Sunday, January 25, 2009

Leaving My Lover over a Slap Chop.



"You're gonna love my nuts" Yep, oh yep indeedy.

When the paramour asks, 'But Cat, why? Why would you even consider leaving someone like me, for god's sake woman, I make you breakfast on the weekends!' I'm going to grab him by his locks and scream, 'SLAP CHOP! THAT'S THE WHY!!"
I'm telling you, it's not normal to be so fascinated by something like he is fascinated by Slap Chop. He sent me a link to this contraption last week ( think of how much chopping of things we could do), on Saturday when we went to buy soup spoons in Stock he let out a squeak when he discovered a Master Chop in store. But when I suggested he buy it-since he's so fucking gobsessed ( yes, gobsessed) with all things slappy choppy- he guffawed and said- I shit you not- 'Hu-ho, no way Cat, you see only the Slap Chop can be taken apart and cleaned. Nope, it's got to be the authentic Slap Chop.'
This morning he admitted to dreaming about the Slap Chop, where upon I promtly started eyeing up the the rental section in the weekend addition, over bacon and eggs and coffee that he had made.
If I hear one more word about the Slap Chop I will scream.

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38 Comments:

Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

I've news for you missus.It get's even more Vinceriffic with ShamWOW!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwRISkyV_B8

Handy for all spillages.Say blood for example

2:35 p.m.  
Anonymous GP said...

Um, I don't know if it's a male thing but I love that ... Must -have - one!

4:25 p.m.  
Blogger Sweary said...

Ohdeargawd. It's the answer to my prayers. For too long I have had a boring life as a direct consequence of having boring tuna.

Thank you cat. THANK YOU.

4:29 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Stop it! STOP IT! You're all infected with Vinceisms. Stop loving his nuts.

4:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's deskinning de gawwlic. He don't wanna cry no more. He's gonna make America skinny again one slap atta time.
I tell you, it's too much for any man to resist.

5:07 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slap Chop!
The most effectual Slap Chop!
Who's intellectual close friends get to call him S.C.
Providing it's with dignity.

Slap Chop!
The indisputable leader of the gang.
He's the boss, he's a pip, he's the championship.
He's the most tip top,
Slap Chop!.

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Seriously...I will rip your locks from your head!!

5:24 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

Hee.
Surely your Paramour already has a food processor?
What's better than a Cuisinart?

8:29 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello,

Don’t be mean buy it online for him. Once he has it he will most probably stop talking about and you’ll both be happy.

Also, I went to the Bodies museum in the Ambassador last night and was not that impressed really. The miscarried babies are particularly unsettling but it was not that icky really. The thing that annoyed me was that they only had audio guides which is probably essential so it really cost 24 dollars to go and more importantly nobody can tell you where the bodies came from they simply repeat the mantra ‘All the bodies have been donated and must be treated with the respect they so rightly deserve’. I am pissed off I went now.


Nonny

8:33 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Medbh, he has a blender, but apparently this is not NEARLY as awesome as a Slap Chop.

Nonny, hello, are you home for good now? Yes I heard the audio was a bit crappy. I didn't go in the end, but I heard it was quite fascinating, especially the dissected bodies.

11:09 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Is it just me, or is he the most annoying man on the planet?

1:54 a.m.  
Anonymous Penelope_CA said...

Amazed that you are subjected to the Vince-man over in Ireland. I'd like to slap his annoying chop, all right... sham wow!!!

3:08 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Vince is global, GLOBAL. It's just not right.

8:31 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

In your fella's defence, that's pretty fucking cool.

10:00 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Wantsies.

10:28 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I give up.

10:41 a.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

I too, now want only this from life.

Sorry.

12:47 p.m.  
Anonymous c said...

Love it! My PC has no sound.

12:57 p.m.  
Anonymous Cate said...

Love it! My PC has no sound.

12:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Damn you people! Can't you see it's eeeevil? Do you not see the horns of Vince?

1:40 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Yeah. We got one of those in Aldidl. Tell the Paramour that it cost peanuts and YES, IT COMES APART FOR WASHING!

Pictorial evidence can be supplied!

3:15 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Make it so number 1! Anything that can douse the flaming Vince.

3:24 p.m.  
Blogger Metaphysicallyfit said...

O.M.G. I really need to own one of these. What's that Sham-Wow you spoke of, Hangar Queen?

I have been infected, but I blame it on my weak constitution, I'm American after all...

That is all.

6:43 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

http://www.cuisinart.ca/en/product.php?state=processors&page=products&item_id=122&product_id=106&cat_id=7


This thing leaves that slap chop in the dust. I've had one for years.

7:09 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

This thing is really getting out of hand. Medbh, I'm sending that link upstairs, there is to be NO MORE Vince worship in this house.

7:33 p.m.  
Blogger Metaphysicallyfit said...

Ok, I have done some research, and Pampered Chef has one of these. And yes, it comes apart for cleaning! I'm ordering one...

http://www.pamperedchef.com/our_products/use_care/detail.jsp?productId=240

7:33 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

That's going upstairs too. Huzzah for alternatives.*




* Hopes Vince doesn't have flying monkeys lined up for this type of talk.

7:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

Oh my....I want one!
I don't want a free "graty" though, purely because they can't just call it a grater, no, it has to be a "graty", my favourite line in that whole ad is "let's make America skinny again", do "Slap Chop" think that chopping vegetables really small can make a nation skinny? Seems so!

12:23 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet jesus that's amazing, I want one of them and a pack of shamwows.
You are a good good person.
Tim

1:53 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Bab, he's on a mission!

Tim, not you as well.

3:20 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm 100% convinced.
Tim

4:24 p.m.  
Blogger XIII said...

Quit skipping your meds and taking it out on a guy who obviously will cook for you. I've heard some outrageous hang-ups that women have, but this borderlines on psychosis. You're gonna be a lonely old maid when you get older. Maybe you already are. ^_^

6:26 a.m.  
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