Jean Claude Van Damme makes me wince....

in a really toe curling way. The 'muscles from Brussels' has been dong the rounds of late PRing the blue jaysus out of his latest movie, imaginatively entitled JCVD. Below is the transcript of a chat with a young and most likely attractive reportera reporter. Read on in awe as the Brussels hard man as he flexes his love muscles and mangles his pulp and produces his head seed. Those with a gag reflex disposition read no further.

Q-There's a monologue in the film about being a washed-up action star. Did you improvise that?


JCVD- I like structure--like driving: go past the school on the street, stay on the right side, no hitting the car, go in right, you'll see a big church, stop and take a left, and you'll have it. By doing this I'm giving a structure of life, a path of light, and showing what happens between me and me, which is something very beautiful.

Q-Beautiful? Why?

JCVD- I really opened myself up in "JCVD." I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

Q-OK -
JCVD-It was like being naked-I would love to be naked in front of you.

Q-Well, I -
JCVD-Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

Q-So you've no regrets at all?
JCVD- Believe me-I've done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don't regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Q-Yes, I am.
JCVD- And are you 27, or 32?

Q-I'm 22.
JCDV- Oh, fuck. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

Q-I don't know. When is it?
JCVD-I don't know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Q-Uh-
JCDV-You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

Hehehehe, oh thank you CB, thank you for sending me this and making me laugh and worry about pulpy fruits for a while. Lordy, I wonder what Missus JCDV thought of it all? Maybe she's delighted to not be the centre of his pulpular world for a while.
Squeeee.