Stop that!
As everyone who has even a passing fleeting impression of me knows, I am a poor typist and even poorer speller. I suppose I could do something about this but my natural inclination is towards laziness.
My spoken command of English on the other hand is dandy. I can be as prolix and tediously discursive and the next jackass when I see fit. But mostly I say what I mean and I try to say it as clearly as possible.
I had a meeting this morning in a fancy pants hotel with the...well I don't know what to call her, so I"m going to call her 'skanky bitch from hell with too much make-up and 'orrible , nasty jingling bangles in a too sort skirt with even more 'orrible knobbly knees'.
Hummm, too much of a mouthful, so wench will have to do.
Anyhoo, the wench was talking and telling me her...er, captive party, what her 'ambitions for the project were.'
I sat with a pen in my hand waiting for her to actually make a point, any salient point at all. I waited and I watched her bony wrists wave back and forth like pampas grass in a strong breeze. I leaned back in my seat and as my eyes were beginning to glaze over I heard this..'of course with the last person there was a disconnect, so we...'
I shot bolt upright, startling her,and indeed myself in the process. She had poked the tiger with a pointy stick.
I don't have a lot of pet hates: my mother, ill fitting shoes, cat sick, the harpy down stairs, bad manners- all right I do. But a teeth clencher for me is when people turn perfectly good nouns into verbs. It actually makes my blood bubble and boil.
'You what?' I said, 'What is a disconnect?'
She frowned and blinked, 'I...what do you mean?'
'I mean what is a disconnect?'
'Well, it's you know, when there has been a break down of ideas and-'
'OHHHHH,' I said in a dramatic and no doubt irritating fashion. 'A disconnection! Well, why didn't you say so?'
Again with the frowning. I smiled innocently.
She carried on-a touch more warily and I jotted notes down here and there, and then she said...''What we really need to do is think outside the box on this one, because if we...'
I sighed, she twitched. But then-stout heart- she carried on with considerably more arm waving. Three minutes later she sprang this...'Let's progress this and chart out how to...' on me.
Progress this?
I gave her the eye, she ignored me with blithe indifference.
At that point both of my eyebrows were packing a suitcase and threatening to leave. I was waiting for liberal uses of Ockhams razor or paradigm shift to float to the surface like the crap filled words they are, when somehow she came to a stuttering juddering halt.
'Well?' said she, eyeing me cautiously. 'What do you think of the game plan?'
'I think it is magnificent.' I said.
She beamed at me. I beamed at her.
We ordered more coffee.
When all is said and done, I may grumble and snap like any cur, but I will not bite the hand that feeds me.
I am not that stupid.
My spoken command of English on the other hand is dandy. I can be as prolix and tediously discursive and the next jackass when I see fit. But mostly I say what I mean and I try to say it as clearly as possible.
I had a meeting this morning in a fancy pants hotel with the...well I don't know what to call her, so I"m going to call her 'skanky bitch from hell with too much make-up and 'orrible , nasty jingling bangles in a too sort skirt with even more 'orrible knobbly knees'.
Hummm, too much of a mouthful, so wench will have to do.
Anyhoo, the wench was talking and telling me her...er, captive party, what her 'ambitions for the project were.'
I sat with a pen in my hand waiting for her to actually make a point, any salient point at all. I waited and I watched her bony wrists wave back and forth like pampas grass in a strong breeze. I leaned back in my seat and as my eyes were beginning to glaze over I heard this..'of course with the last person there was a disconnect, so we...'
I shot bolt upright, startling her,and indeed myself in the process. She had poked the tiger with a pointy stick.
I don't have a lot of pet hates: my mother, ill fitting shoes, cat sick, the harpy down stairs, bad manners- all right I do. But a teeth clencher for me is when people turn perfectly good nouns into verbs. It actually makes my blood bubble and boil.
'You what?' I said, 'What is a disconnect?'
She frowned and blinked, 'I...what do you mean?'
'I mean what is a disconnect?'
'Well, it's you know, when there has been a break down of ideas and-'
'OHHHHH,' I said in a dramatic and no doubt irritating fashion. 'A disconnection! Well, why didn't you say so?'
Again with the frowning. I smiled innocently.
She carried on-a touch more warily and I jotted notes down here and there, and then she said...''What we really need to do is think outside the box on this one, because if we...'
I sighed, she twitched. But then-stout heart- she carried on with considerably more arm waving. Three minutes later she sprang this...'Let's progress this and chart out how to...' on me.
Progress this?
I gave her the eye, she ignored me with blithe indifference.
At that point both of my eyebrows were packing a suitcase and threatening to leave. I was waiting for liberal uses of Ockhams razor or paradigm shift to float to the surface like the crap filled words they are, when somehow she came to a stuttering juddering halt.
'Well?' said she, eyeing me cautiously. 'What do you think of the game plan?'
'I think it is magnificent.' I said.
She beamed at me. I beamed at her.
We ordered more coffee.
When all is said and done, I may grumble and snap like any cur, but I will not bite the hand that feeds me.
I am not that stupid.
26 Comments:
I'm liking your style, FMC.
Don't you have beer to drink?
I consistently bite the hand that is feeding me... it seems to make them feed me more in an attempt to keep me at bay.
Seriously, I had a huge compliment the other day at work when (after another one of my acerbic 'replies' to a mass e-mail) one member of staff turned to another who happens to be a drinking buddy and remarked, "You know, it's always entertaining with Binty here, isn't it".
Except they used my real name. Obviously.
Obviously. And they are corrrect, it is better with you around.
Only one more hour to go til I am free from the oppression of my desk. Then it is off to the gym, work out, shower, dry hair and straight to the pub. Come on time!!!Tickity tock a bit faster if you please.
Ha, I hate this shit too, we had an interesting post on it a while back FMC:
http://www.infactah.com/2005/11/ill-socialise-you.html
The comments are there and quite a good read, even though the link to comments says (0) which is a Haloscan bug.
Very wise. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you until you've eaten all the nuts" is the full proverb. I believe it was composed by a monkey and stolen by a human.
Give'er hell, tigress! Being a skanky jingly bitch is awful enough, but being a skanky jingly bitch with poor language skills is no way to go through life.
I'll check it out Paul. That sort of thing can give me the vapours.
My god, if I actually left my typing alone today and didn't correct it, Arlington would have nothing on me. It is almost indecipherable.
You should have stabbed her with a nail file for such heinous crimes against the English language. By the way, is "I can be as prolix and tediously discursive ..." not eensiest wee bit tautological?
I did end it with 'like the next jackass.'
that nasty vile horrible american habit of making verbs out of nouns.
And you are patient, I'd be asking, can we just go back a bit, what box?
Thats completely fine dude, we all make mistakes while writting something.
lol...i am sure that you can be as prolix and tediously discursive and the next jackass when you see fit.
I really admire you. You are the man. I salute you for that you have worked a lot on this concept.
But then-stout heart- she carried on with considerably more arm waving.
My spoken command of English on the other hand is dandy. I can be as prolix and tediously discursive and the next jackass when I see fit.
Then it is off to the gym, work out, shower, dry hair and straight to the pub.
really stop that !
Your post today is a really nice one. I read it in the morning once, but now i really understood what you wanted to say...
This is really incredible one.Thanks for sharing this topic.
I like your style of writing and hope that i will learn more from you because i want to write a blog of my own.
I am not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic.
I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding
more. Thanks for excellent info I was looking for this info for my mission.
Also visit my homepage ... herbal Premature ejaculation Cures
kate spade outlet online, polo ralph lauren, burberry outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, ugg boots clearance, christian louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton handbags, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors handbags, longchamp handbags, ray ban outlet, prada outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike free, jordan shoes, cheap ugg boots, prada handbags, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet online, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, ugg outlet, nike outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet online, replica watches, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, gucci handbags, red bottom shoes, michael kors outlet online sale, ugg australia, cheap ugg boots outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley vault, tory burch outlet online
guess pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet store online, new balance pas cher, true religion outlet, ray ban uk, nike air max, nike air max, hollister uk, louboutin, vans pas cher, hollister, ralph lauren uk, longchamp, ray ban pas cher, mulberry uk, nike roshe, nike roshe run, air jordan, true religion outlet, air max, nike free pas cher, oakley pas cher, north face pas cher, north face, scarpe hogan, tn pas cher, nike free, hermes pas cher, true religion, michael kors uk, lacoste pas cher, lululemon outlet online, kate spade outlet, longchamp pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland pas cher, true religion jeans, coach outlet, replica handbags, converse pas cher, michael kors, burberry pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, air max pas cher, nike air force, coach purses, michael kors canada, nike blazer pas cher
guess pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet store online, new balance pas cher, true religion outlet, ray ban uk, nike air max, nike air max, hollister uk, louboutin, vans pas cher, hollister, ralph lauren uk, longchamp, ray ban pas cher, mulberry uk, nike roshe, nike roshe run, air jordan, true religion outlet, air max, nike free pas cher, oakley pas cher, north face pas cher, north face, scarpe hogan, tn pas cher, nike free, hermes pas cher, true religion, michael kors uk, lacoste pas cher, lululemon outlet online, kate spade outlet, longchamp pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland pas cher, true religion jeans, coach outlet, replica handbags, converse pas cher, michael kors, burberry pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, air max pas cher, nike air force, coach purses, michael kors canada, nike blazer pas cher
hollister canada, ugg boots, ugg, karen millen, barbour, moncler outlet, swarovski uk, coach outlet, montre femme, louis vuitton pas cher, doke gabbana outlet, marc jacobs handbags, moncler, canada goose outlet, pandora uk, vans, supra shoes, pandora jewelry, canada goose outlet, gucci, air max, barbour jackets, pandora jewelry, swarovski jewelry, moncler, thomas sabo uk, moncler, ugg soldes, converse shoes, ray ban, wedding dress, ugg, uggs canada, replica watches, converse, louis vuitton uk, moncler, juicy couture, louis vuitton, canada goose, canada goose, canada goose, canada goose pas cher, moncler outlet, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, links of london uk, toms outlet, moncler, moncler, louis vuitton canada
Post a Comment
<< Home