There may be trouble...
Now, on to the trouble.
My brother, younger and odd as two left feet, is coming home next month from a two year stint in Australia where he has been driving huge machinery across vast tracts of land, drinking like a navvy and taking great care where he pees after a huge spider reared up at him one day and -he says- chased him back to the cab of his combine.
I'm delighted that he is coming home, Etheline is delighted he is coming home. My mother called, savage and hysterical, about his coming home.
This is very strange as he is the golden apple of her eye, the chosen one, her son. Naturally I was curious.
'What's wrong with you? I thought you'd be delighted.'
'He is married, the stupid idiot! Married!'
I listened in stunned silence as my mother ranted and raved about my brother who has informed her he won't be staying with her as he... and... his...new wife!- who none of us knew about!!!!!!! will be looking for their own place.
'What wife?' I said as soon as I could get a word in edgeways. I could here the phone beeping as my mother raged, and knew Etheline was trying to get through.
'But who is she? When did he get married?"
'I don't know, I don't know...nobody tells me anything in this family.'
'Well..' I said. But I was at a loss for words. My brother is a grown man and naturally can do as he pleases, but it was a little odd and why the secrecy?
'I wondered why he never said anything?'
I could hear my mother draw a huge deep breath and mumble something...I thought I heard the word foreign.
'What? What did you say?'
'SHE IS COLUMBIAN.' My mother howled. 'I think, I think...he said she was black.'
'So what? 2006 Ma.'
'Ooohhhh, I knew it, I knew you'd be like this! You're revelling in this aren't you? Probably egged him on, it would be just like you to think this sort of thing was...you..., he always listened to you.'
'Wait, how is it my fault your son got married behind your back to a Columbian?'
'See, see.' My mother screamed and hung up on me.
I laughed until I almost puked, then I rang Country Gay to tell him. He needs cheering up and he knows my mother a long time.
My mother is a typical Irish country woman-not racist per se, but fairly ignorant of other cultures- for her my brother might as well have married a camel. That and I know she really wanted him to marry some local girl, live locally, and have a brood of local Irish grandkiddies she can brag about to her vicious croonies.
They -my brother and his new 'Foreign' bride are back next month.
I can't wait.