Monday, April 17, 2006

Lessons.

Ah bank holiday weekends. A time to catch up with friends, spend time with lovers, eat Easter eggs-not me- go dancing, take romantic strolls, bliss right?
Okay. So here are some things I learned. I hope they help y'all.
1- Don't drink loads of pink drinks on friday night. Sure they taste yummy, and sure they're so sweet you can't taste the alcohol, but it is there!
2- Go home. Do not go to that club with the comfy chairs and loud music and late bar. You're drunk already, you said, 'matrizi' when you meant 'martini', go home!
3- Next morning, take painkillers as soon as you get up, nobody likes a martyr.
4- If you own a cat or more, do not,-under any circumstances- attempt to clean out litter trays unless you have rubbed vicks under nostrils. Gagging when hungover will result in vomiting.
5- Do not accept friends' invitations for late lunch and Mimosas. Hair of the dog is a myth.
6-Do go home after lunch, ignore pleas of come on, let's go shopping. Shopping after Mimosa results in buying stuff that you will have to return at some point.
7- Do not go dancing again, you are drunk-ah forget it, here comes the pink drink.
8-Sunday- when having brunch do not think it would be really great to go for a really romantic stroll. You are really wearing six inch heels.
9- Get a taxi home-nobody likes a martyr. Don't go out for a nightcap!!! It's only eight o'clock.
10-Eleven hours sleep will cure everything.

55 Comments:

Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I have never met your paramour but I hate his guts. Jammy sod.

What a Gal!

11:28 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No you don't, you'd like him if you met, he's not in the least bit cuntish.

11:32 a.m.  
Blogger the anti-barney said...

And its not over yet.

12:23 p.m.  
Blogger Ms Ann Thrope said...

Six inch heels? I take my hat off to you. And my shoes.

12:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yes Mizz Thorpe, six, and by golly I'm paying for it. My calves are aching today and I'm walking around on tippy-toe. I'm think I'm going to the gym in a while for a swim, see if that helps.
Barney, I don't think I, or my liver, can make it through another round of 'hey, where we going next?'. So I might just yank out the old phone line.

12:42 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

You're right I don't hate anyone's guts. But six inch heels, pink drinks, carousing? I can't help being jealous.

12:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Those pink drinks are mostly rum and as I have psoted before, rum is not my friend.
What did you do over the Easter weekend Doclington? You're of celt blood, surely some carousing happened????

1:21 p.m.  
Blogger Angie said...

Ah but you had fun! And you could always apply those lessons for next time! (yeah right)

3:17 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Angie, I say this shit so often now it is turning into a mantra.

6:32 p.m.  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

This is only in the realms of possibility because you don't have to worry about kids leaping on you on Sunday morning wondering where their easter eggs are

6:45 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Kim, there is nothing I'd like more than kids leaping on top of me and asking me where Easter eggs are. I plan in the next year or two to make that plan a reality. But until then you may enjoy my life vicariously just as I yours.

7:03 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I think it's disgusting to commemorate the death of Our Lord by drinking pink things and wearing 6 inch heels. I myself, did it the proper way with chocolate eggs and rabbits. Everybody knows Jesus loved eggs and had not time for people drinking pink things. You're clearly going to hell, fmc. My high moral tone has nothing to do with the fact that they ran out of champagne at the Easter brunch we went to. I have to wait for my pink drinks 'til next weekend when I'll be in Yorkshire for a wedding! Hurrah! - no husband or children to look after - just me, some old friends and a happy day with drinks pink. I really fancy pink drinks now after reading your post. I blame you for anything humiliating I might do, fmc!

8:44 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You may lay it on me Mrs Sam, I gots the shoulders for it so I does!!!

8:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

And the drink you're looking for is 'Planters Punch' and yes, it bloody does.

9:00 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

I spent Easter Sunday in a bar, watching sports, drinking shitty beer and gambling. Didn't win a fecking thing, though. That was Jesus' doing, I'm sure.

9:42 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Can't see a single thing wrong with what you just described, 'cept maybe the money part.

9:46 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

I spent Easter in Belgium, caning beer. Jesus died for this.

9:46 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

See coment above, add Brussels.

9:53 p.m.  
Blogger Jagd Kunst said...

In my circle of non-virtual friends we tend to drink for three days straight every weekend. That also help with the painkillers we consume and all the pot we smoke.

Yer absholootley kerrekt! Naebuddy likesh a bruddy Martyr!

1:20 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

I had my first Pimms of the year, followed by the second, and the third - like being hit on the head by a donkeys hoof.

12:33 p.m.  
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