Friday, April 07, 2006

Tough shit!


The phone, the phone. I picked the clock up and squinted at it.
8:20? What the f-
Wearily I stumbled to the sitting room and picked up the receiver.
'aghggr?'
'Snifff...sofa...carpet...hand made rug from Marrakeesh...chewed straight through capble of lamp...on sheepskin rung...stinking...sniff'
'Etheline?'
'She's destroying my home!'
'The dog?' I try not to laugh out loud, of course it is the dog, all four inches of shivering eyes.Poppy's Big Surprise-shortened to Angel, clearly had a few surprises of her own up her designer doggy sleeve.
'She's not a dog, she's a...she's a...shit machine! I got up this morning and found four piles in the kitchen and she managed to get out under the screen I put up and -'
Anyway, you get the picture it went on in this vein for quite some time.
I let Etheline rabbit on because while I don't know why she would expect a ten week old pup to behave as anthing other than a ten week old pup, I do have a certain level of sympathy for my dear sister.
So I let her rant, drowsily, wondering idly if I should make an appointment with the waxer in Malahide. I still haven't forgiven her for the balding she gave me at Christmas, so I decide I won't go, I'll shape it myself into a heart, or a mushroom, or if I'm feeling adventurous, a thunder bolt although I tried that a few weeks ago and it just looked like I had mange.
'What am I going to do?' Etherline wailed. 'I can't leave her out the back, my neighbour says she's small enough for a hawk or a fox to take her!'
'Um.'I say. Tough shit, I think. You should have thought of all this before you bought her.
'How can something so tiny be so...destructive?'
'She's a dog Etheline, dogs, even small ones, act like dogs.'
'Can I drop her off with you this morning?'
'Nope. I won't be here. I'm getting my hair done at twelve. Anyway I'm not sure that the cats wouldn't kill her.'
'They wouldn't, she's surprisingly vicious when she wants to be.'
'Hair appointment.'
'Oh right.'
After another few minutes she rings off. I make coffee.
Etheline and I are polar opposite when it comes to our homes. I like textures, velvet drapes, chenille throws, suede, leather, I like deep yellows and reds, lots of wood, books, antique lamps, rugs, pictures, old mirrors, I like tassles for heaven's sake. This is a pain in the arse, because as the owner of three cats and their never ending balls of hair, rich fabric means lots of washing and shaking things on the terrace and grumbling, but hey, that's my lot.
Etheline likes cream, she likes white and colours called 'duck egg blue' and 'twillight hint' and shit like that, she likes chrome lamps and stiff linens, her wardrobes (beech) are full of light bright clothes and neat preppy tops. Her bathroom is dazzling, her towels match and are white, her kitchen is pristine and her plates and cutlery match. Her living room looks stylishly cool and no one has ever coughed in there let alone spilled wine/beer/coffee, dropped crisps, played cards and yelled at the telly on fight night. There is no hair anywhere and no animal has turned one side of a cord sofa into a scratching post.
So the sudden realization that my sister's neat uncluttered hoome is being systimatically destroyed by something smaller than a bag of suger and that she paid handsomely for this pleasure makes me laugh and wince at the same time.
Animals, even designer ones all carry a price, and as I gaze across the room to the partically destroyed side of my large three seater sofa, I can shrug and take it in my stride. The bigger of the cats is snoozing in a patch of sunlight, I am going to ruffle his head in a moment and then I am going to go and make toast.
Etheline has a lot to learn.

51 Comments:

Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I got a balding too once (the bikini wax surely ranks as one of the most eye-watering experiences a woman can have which doesn't involve onions or 'Sophie's Choice') and go my own road now and self-shape. For a while there I went through a 20th century dictator's moustache phase, Hitler, Stalin, Saddam, Pinochet etc. Not by design, just by happenstance, but I did feel all mighty in my knickers - they say power corrupts and absolute power ...

12:15 p.m.  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

I listen with respect to any woman with body hair, but only after she's had a good night's sleep. I'd let that little pooch take its chances with the buzzards. They've also got young to feed, after all.

12:30 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

you have too aks yourself if getting the brazilian or going to the effort of a harry potter shaped thunder bolt is worht it just to make him smile ?

1:40 p.m.  
Anonymous ainelivia said...

let me get this straight, your sister acquired a dog, to live with her in her neat uncluttered house, and she expects that the dog will not want to do all the normal things any human has a need to???? or leave hairs on the sofa?? hmmmm it occurs to me that the dog could go along with your for a body wax, but then I wouldn't suggest that to sister, she might like the idea.

have you ever discussed obsessive compulsive disorder with your sibling.....

2:32 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

The dog in your pic is a real little cutey! I might have to make an exception to my 'no little dogs rule' - such a dear little face!
Have a great weekend, FMC.

5:32 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

S'UP Bitches!
Sorry about tardy replies, Went, got hair done, four inches chopped off!! Met French Gay on way home, early cocktails.
So yeah, Sam, ouch, but I rather like creating shapes too, this week I am going to be Coco the clown. Nexty week arts and crafts.
GB, love ya baby.
Macdara-your hawtness- I don't give a rat's arse if he smiles or not, long as he stays down there.
Ainelivia- welcome, and yes we have discussed it at length, she is odd that way. As for waxing I'm still recovering from Christams when I went for a trim for a holiday abroad and she-Malahide wench- stripped every hair from my fanny, great for the bikini, terrible when it started to grow back, itch itch. I nearly caught a chill.
Sexybeauty, back at ya babe.
Going back out now, ciao, have a great weekend bloggeroonies!!!
Moaw moaw.

8:26 p.m.  
Blogger LindyK said...

My sister had a chihuahua for a (very short) while... she reached that point of absolute crazy anger at said pooch and I just laughed... anything that is natural prey for crows...

I agree about the self-shaping... after watching House this week (he found a tick in a dumb teen's cooch -- long story), it just reasserts our compulsion for being well-groomed at all times -- never know when Hugh Laurie might be inspecting...

Have a nice weekend, FMC!

7:13 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Poor Hugh Laurie, second wind as a sex symbol and all I see when he's on the screen is the bumbling Bertie Wooster with a scowl and a limp. Like the show though. Say Lindy, what did your sister do with her dog/bat in the end?

10:30 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I met H Lawrie once. He doesn't look it, but he's built like a brick shithouse. Full Blue for rowing?
Anyhoo, back to that mutt. I agree with Sexy,it looks a much better prospect than I imagined. Good colour, sits like a dog, wet nose, silly look on its face. Yes, all in, it doesn't look all that bad at all. Tell Benzene to get a book from the library re house and basic training. If she catches it young, a fortnight will do it. Young dogs find it quite stressful to crap indoors and will meet you halfway with a bit of training. It will need some shots too.

10:39 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm usre she'll work it out doclington, she's just slightly overwhelmed. We grew up with dogs, I had a doberman for years. I think she forgot that puppies are a bit like babies and need attention and routines.
Hey ho! Saturday! I think I'll head down town for a spot of brunch. Laters.

11:51 a.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Hugh Laurie. The answer is yes.

The dog...it is kind of cute, sitting there all innocent-like. And it'll be house trained before a kid would be out of diapers, so I suppose there are worse things.

4:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Like a kid in diapers?

5:21 p.m.  
Blogger LindyK said...

Aah yes Hugh Laurie... *sigh*

FMC, my sister eventually ended up selling the little bastard to some breeder on the east coast, so she put him on a plane and hoped he'd have a nice life as a stud...

5:58 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

Lindy, Hugh Laurie???? He's a total dork,c'mon girl, you can't be serious! (retaliation for Coldplay!!)

6:28 p.m.  
Blogger LindyK said...

Sexy, a dork indeed, but an adorable one... besides, he's cuter than whatshisname from Coldplay... (sorry, couldn't resist!) Could do much worse than Hugh Laurie... after all, you could be stuck with the other Hugh, that smarmy Hugh Grant. Blech. At least Laurie's funny!

11:26 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I gotta throw my chips in for Hugh Laurie too. He's gorgeous!

8:45 a.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

Lindy and Sam - you both obviously find his 'House' persona a turn on- rude and curmudgeonly - what is it about women and bad boys?

10:04 a.m.  
Blogger LindyK said...

I dunno what it is, Sexy -- it takes a special sort of fellow to be smart, an asshole, and still endearing...

Either that, or I'm a masochist.

1:17 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Ann,
from Uzbekistan,
and I'm 20 y.o

Hi, Everyone
I've studied English sinse this Autumn .
It's very difficult for Me! Really hard!
I want like to meet peple and practisice My English with them.

Kiss!!

6:33 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DISCOUNT MEN'S HEALTH ONLINE!

Very Cheap Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, Lipitor, Propecia!

Buy Cheap Viagra Online

The Lowest Prices Online
Complete PRIVACY
Free Prescription with your Order
FedEx Overnight Shipping



Buy Online Propecia
Buy Online Viagra
Buy Lipitor Online
Buy Levitra Online
Buy Cialis Online
Buy Viagra Online



______

buy com lvivhost online viagra viagra
buy online purchase viagra
buy drug generic generic online viagra
2004 Buy Cialis Daily Online Statistics
buy cheap online prescription viagra
Buy Cialis Generic Keyword Online
australia buy levitra online ship

1:38 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geoffrey Dicks, UK economist at Royal Bank of Scotland financial markets, said the rise in approvals and consumer credit was "surprising".
"In percentage terms mortgage borrowing has risen 0.8% in each of the past five months which suggests stability more than anything," Mr Dicks said.
--------------




10:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry


Product Liability Attorney Atlanta
Discount Air Travel Ticket
Paint Storage Cabinet
Adjuster Appraiser
Ballerina Music Jewelry Box
Helper Electrician
Retail Plastic Bag
Belly Button Ring Nose Ring
Iowa Seat Belt Law
Acupuncture Point Map
Academy American Dentist Pediatric
Window Bind
Car Tune Up Prices
Enterprise Technology Solution
Finance Career

Thanks!!!

4:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She shinks...
***
Kaki ste?









Chiropractor Search
Electrician School
Dentist Riverside
Home Health Care Agency
Cheap New Balance Shoes
Attorney Maine Civil Right
Credit Georgia Home Loan Poor
Business Card Template
Auto Carpet Custom Floor Mat
Carpet Cleaning Supply
Bad Credit Loan Mortgage Refinancing
California Barber Schools
--------------
Khair

1:15 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very Cheap Cheap Phentermine! SAVE $$$!

Buy Phentermine Cheap Online
Cheap Phentermine Diet Pill
Cheap Phentermine No Prescription Online

6:29 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isenmesez

It's bad girl!

Kiel
vi fartas?

Backward Mortgage
Map New Square Times York
Wheel Chair Accessory
Child Care Washington Dc
Banker Chicago Mortgage
Electrician New York
Attorney Bankruptcy Cleveland
Sub Contractor Agreement
Credit Carding
Diamond Circle Necklace
13 Bankruptcy Chapter Florida
History New Times York
Acupuncture Atlanta Back Lower Pain
Divorce Quick
Casio Digital Camera
Asphalt Paving Over Concrete

Nomoskaar

11:35 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tony and Michelle Meadows, from Southport, Merseyside, took the loan with an annual percentage rate of 34.9% repayable over 15 years.
Liverpool County Court heard that the couple struggled to pay the loan, taken in 1989 on a high-risk borrowers' rate.
--------------






Hilton Nyc Times Square
Dining Marble Round Table
Becoming A Private Investigator
New Bankruptcy Law 2005
Attorney Defense Role
Alcohol Rehab Michigan
Front Range Community College Co
Coldwell Banker Mortgage
Upholstery Cleaning Fort Worth
Army Airborne Video
Cheapest Airline
Korean Adoption
Business Online Opportunity
Motorcycle Accident Lawyer San Diego
Reading Music NoteFitter Pipe Plumber Union

10:50 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free Gay Porn Pic Post


Download Free Gay Porn Gay Black Man Porn Gay Porn Story
Free Gay Teen Porn Gay Porn Gallery Porn Gay Gratuit
Free Hardcore Gay Porn Gay Porn Magazine Video Porn Gay Gratis

Good Luck!

12:53 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lamictal And Lexapro

Celexa Verses Lexapro

Effects Lexapro Possible Side

Lexapro And Valium

Keyword Side Effects Of Drug Lexapro Boards Shop Baikalguide

Lexapro And Blood Platlet Count

Ct Effectue Le Lexapro Sexuel

4:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, while searching for widgets for my blog, I stumbled upon www.widgetmate.com and wow! I found what I wanted. A cool news widget. My blog is now showing latest news with title, description and images. Took just few minutes to add. Awesome!

11:39 a.m.  
Anonymous Viagra Online said...

Article interesting.All a pleasure to read.
Interesting post

2:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Viagra Online said...

hello
Thanks for this helpful information
have a nice day

10:56 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.xbox360achievements.org/forum/member.php?u=259462]buy mexitil without prescription[/url]

4:51 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.xbox360achievements.org/forum/member.php?u=259462]order mexitil online cod[/url]

5:43 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Download Casino tyuueooru
Play Online Casino

Also, check out whether or not their customer service is available 24/7.
[url=http://www.nhgaa.org/]Best Online Casino[/url]
It's always good to stick to such online casino website that can meet your queries whenever you want.
http://www.nhgaa.org/ - Casino Free Game
In fact, there is no risk at all.

10:44 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey nice looking blog but it is a little funky looking in my K-meleon internet browser. Looks good otherwise! Cheers, www.ask-a-question-to-a-lawyer-online.com

11:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?


----------------
kelly divine

7:37 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buy Endress & Hauser models at up to 20% discount from list price

Endress+Hauser is a leading supplier of measuring instruments and automation solutions for the industrial process engineering industry.

Endress+Hauser is recognized as a leading supplier of industrial measurement and automation equipment, providing services and solutions for industrial processes all over the world. Endress+Hauser offer comprehensive process solutions for flow, level, pressure, analysis, temperature, recording and digital communications across a wide range of industries, optimizing processes in regards to economic efficiency, safety and environmental protection.

As major stockists of many Endress and Hauser level instruments, We [url=http://www.endress.org.ua]official distributor Endress+Hauser in Ukraine[/url], can offer a range of Endress & Hauser models at up to 20% discount from list price - prices usually only available when buying in bulk.

Feel free to contact us.

6:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Negocio Inversiones said...

Great information, you have a wonderful blog and an excellent article!!

6:34 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heres the deal i know how to format a computer... i have done it a million times but this time i have come across a new problem and im not exactly sure how to deal with it. I know that when you completely wipe a computer you have to wait for the prompt during start up that says "press any key to boot from disk" but what happens when you dont see that message? How do you format it then? Yes i am trying to wipe xp in order to reinstall xp (nasty virus tried EVERYTHING else) any more info needed just let me know... If it helps at all my computer is a Lenovo [url=http://gordoarsnaui.com]santoramaa[/url]

11:13 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looking for [url=http://www.pharmashack.com]viagra[/url] ?Inquire surrounding Our Sable Prices at www.Pharmashack.com, The Unmixed [b][url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Online Amplitude [/url][/b] To [url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Buy Viagra[/url] Online ! You Can also Wax up Consummate Deals When You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/cialis.html]Buy Cialis[/url] and When You You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/levitra.html]Buy Levitra[/url] Online. We Also Be subjected to a Great Generic [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/phentermine.html]Phentermine[/url] As a overhaul to Your Regimen ! We Hold doused up Appellation marque [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/viagra.html]Viagra[/url] and Also [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/generic_viagra.html]Generic Viagra[/url] !

1:07 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xanax medication best place to buy xanax online forum - xanax withdrawal onset duration

5:13 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the reason that the admin of this web site is working, no hesitation very soon it will be
well-known, due to its quality contents.
Here is my website :: xonlinexslots.wordpress.com

1:32 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This fluctuаtіon can be beneficial for gеnuinely іn Ѕcοttsdale demоnѕtrated
a Hаwaiian tantriс masѕage massagе оn thе spa's proprietor, Cathy Ibach.

Visit my site ... web site

11:48 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hі there, just becаme alert to уοur
blog through Goоgle, and found that it's really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

Also visit my web site - hcg diet recipes

6:35 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And while investigators say the murder victim is linked to a
"feud," they are not sharing the details about
that part of the investigation. Also, keep in mind that the ingredients for the
mix should be bought from a home improvement store to insure quality.

Read your warranty carefully, and you'll see that it probably doesn't cover walls
with efflorescence.

Here is my site: concrete

6:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here author is giving information on DRDO Tenders and ICFRE Tenders for
more details visit free tenders site. I suffered a lot of
bullying and some sexual abuse and it compounded my identity problem.
Such a benign amalgam is the only realistic hope for reconciliation.
Sometimes local PR can attract better business for you
than an article in Indian media. But I made it to a telephone and called Vito Genovese who
was at that time the most famous of New York's mafia bosses.

My web page - click here

7:10 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its not surprising that people might become depressed during stressful times – such as going
through a divorce, caring for a sick relative or financial problems.
This is where a program like Yeast Infection No More can help.
Katz helps clients find relief from the pain without resorting to medications or invasive
procedures. The fourth chair of the Fine Group is a rotating chair filled by Jimmy Gaudreau (veteran of The
Country Gentlemen, J. And just think how great you'll look and feel when you are consistently doing 100 ab exercises a day.

Have a look at my web-site ... Persichetti

5:15 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whether you are searching for specialty styling products or specific Loreal hair products, you are sure
to find what you need. Before you go for them, try products
at Keranique for hair care. Soon after this, use curl lotion all more than
your hair, and make use of mousse and squeeze this in your hair to that your curls seem flawless.

5:16 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a skunk run in front of me when I was riding without a light
one night. They are comfortable, they do not get too hot,
they provide protection from various hazards such as
my gravel road, and unlike some competitors they are not prone to smelling bad.

It is VERY important that adults bring actual swimwear to wear in
the water park.

My site :: water shoes

8:37 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your further post thanks once again.



Feel free to visit my site; Nice Clothing

8:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's nearly impossible to find experienced people in this particular topic, but you seem like you know what you're talking about!

Thanks

my blog post - porte de garage basculante avec porte

8:27 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home