Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Ex Factor.

Something Slim Lindy- and Sexy Beauty- said over the last day or so about ex-boyfriends got me thinking and indeed laughing.
When you think about people you used to date, what goes through your head?
Disbelief is usually mine. What was I thinking?
I had one boyfriend who, in the middle of a blazing row, ( he didn't like that I was going out with my friends that night, I didn't like what being told what to do) turned and put his fist through a door.
I, being of fairly sound mind, thought, 'er, you're nuts and I don't want to go out with you any more'.
I decided I'd better skedaddle. I grabbed my hand bag, flounced out of his house, got in my car and drove off.
I had not even reached the end of his road when I heard a roar. I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw him- red faced, with his fist bleeding- come running down his drive and begin to chase after the car.
Now, to leave that estate there was a turn onto another secondary road which was always fairly busy no matter what time of the day. So I couldn't just pull out as there were cars coming.

It was like a terrible film, every time I glanced in the mirror he was closer. I remember sitting there going 'Come on, come on.'
He was nearly to the back of the car before I spotted a break in the traffic.I put my foot to the floor and slewed around the corner.
I heard him screaming. So I rolled the window down.
'You better stop that fucking car you fucking bitch! I'm warning you! You better fucking stop!'
He chased the car for about one hundred metres like a rabid Jack Russell until finally it dawned on him that A) I wasn't about to stop the 'fucking car' and B) he didn't have magical powers that could make him run as fast as the Six Million Dollar man, no matter how much of a super hero he thought he was.
And I did go out that night, and I had a ball.


Blogger SheBah said...

FMC - sounds like you had a lucky escape! Violence and jealousy are big no-nos - well, maybe a little bit of jealousy adds a certain piquant flavour! Keeps the momentum.

11:19 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nah, this guy was a grade A lunatic. Even months after we broke up he used to ring my house non stop, shouting and accusing me of all sorts. Another girl I know who went out with him years after-and broke up with him just as quickly- told me he still bitched about me.
Some folk are just nuts.

11:31 a.m.  
Blogger finn said...

this reminds me of the beginning of one of the recent Dead movies (Shawn? Dawn?), in which the zombies run amok in a bucolic neighborhood and get smeared all over windshields.

perhaps your ex was a zombie, FMC?? did he like to bite?

as i was driving through the university yesterday, i saw at the curb a dead ringer for my psycho ex (every girl's got one, right?). he was a great lay and either that, or the psycho bit, drove my heart up in my throat when i passed by.

1:43 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

He had to have been a great lay, otherwise you would have run him over.

2:02 p.m.  
Blogger the anti-barney said...

I'd like to see your ex try something now,he'd get an elbow in the ear for his trouble.

3:26 p.m.  
Blogger Boliath said...

EXes? Hah, there's a reason they're exes, even if they dumped me, they're still bastards and I hate them all.

New to your blog, thoroughly enjoying it! Found it through Twenty I think.

4:57 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

He wouldn't. Best thing to do with someone like that is not be around them, not open an invitation to a physical confrontation.
Thing is Barney, when you do spar every week-like me- you soon learn that the average Joe is nine times out of ten a whole lot stonger that the average Jane. 'Tough' women can talk all they like (in the gym we call it the Xena complex) about what they would and wouldn't do. But trust me, women who are stupid enough to risk getting into a fight with a man are going to come off badly.
I'm always warning the little Goth kid downstairs, best form of defense if she's out and about and someone tries to grab her is scream like fuck, go straight for the eyes and then run like clappers.

4:59 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Egad Boliath, welcome! And you're right, they are bastards.
'Let's be friends'

5:07 p.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Fuck, FMC, he sounds like a complete fuckwit!

Having said that... once (and only once) I smashed a bowl on the floor in sheer frustration with my girlfriend at the time. I'm not violent (I have never hit ANYONE, not even in self defence) and I'm usually quite a calm person, but the situation was intolerable. On the positive side it did serve as a wake-up call that I was not some kind of doormat and our relationship grew far better as a result.

1:59 a.m.  
Blogger LindyK said...

FMC, you had one of those too?! Psycho exes are scary -- I had one that ended in my filing a restraining order... no fun.

This must be lame ex boyfriend week for me -- the chilean called me tonight, after about 6 months of silence... yeah, totally gonna call him back... or not.

6:06 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Who is the chilean? And what happend to him then?
Binty, I once flung a kitchen knife at my mother so hard it stuck in the kitchen door. I have no words to describe the trouble I got into that day. Actually the day after I moved out.

11:27 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

softies all.
My mother threw a kitchen knife at ME. Carve it your fucking self, she hollered.
Some christmas that.

1:28 p.m.  
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