Thursday, March 23, 2006

Dog? That's not a dog, this is a...

dog.
What is the bloody trend with rat like dogs at the moment?
French Gay and I were lying on the sofa last night watching Prisilla Queen of the Desert, and marvelling at how like a woman Terence Stamp is, when the doorbell went.
Rather reluctantly I answered.
It was my siser, Etheline.
'What are you doing here?' I said fearfully, fearing she might want to stay again.
But she didn't. She wanted to show me her dog.
'Look! Isn't she beautiful?' she said, proffering some kind of rat at me. I backed up. Behind me the bigger of the cats grew bigger. He had been asleep under a lamp on my desk, now he looked very much like he did the day he killed the magpie.
'What iz eet?' FG asked.
'It's a dog you idiot. A chihuahua.'
We looked at it.
It was no bigger than a rat, it had big bulging eyes, massive bat like ears and it shivered.
The bigger of the cats smacked its lips.
'Er, are you sure?'I asked.'I didn't realise you were getting a...er, dog.'
''Tut.' She put the rat/bat/dog thing down on the ground. It stood there shivering more violently with one leg raised. 'She's called Poppy's Big Surprise, Angel for short. I picked her up today, she's only eight weeks old.'
'How is Angel short for Poppy's Big Surprise?'
Etheline shot me a look. I let it go.
FG-who owns two robust beagles he refers to as 'ze two ones' sat forward on the couch and stared at Poppy. He clicked his fingers, the dog glanced at him and shivered all the more.
'Well what do you think?' Etheline beamed at it.
'What are you going to do with it when you go to work?' I said, thinking of Etheline's white and cream house.
'I'm going to get one of those little doggy carry bags, she can come practically everywhere with me. Oh and you should see the clothes they make for them, oh my god, adorable!'
'The cat jumped down and stalked over, all bushy tailed and full of glittery-eyed malice. Etheline hastily picked her pup up.
'So, what do you think of her?'
I looked at 'Angel', as it hid its bat/rat/dog face into the folds of Etheline's coat.
'I"m sure you'll be wonderful together.'
After she left I poured another glass of wine for FG. He raised it. 'A toast, to ze new addition, she will be ze niece, no?'
I sighed. 'Exactly what this family needs, another neurotic female.'
We went back to watching the film.
The cat stared wistfully at the door, presently his tail returned to normal.

10 Comments:

Blogger fatmammycat said...

Blogger appears to be acting the bollix today. So if you can't post not to worry. I can't even correct mistakes. Dammit.

12:24 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

It amazes me. And if you live in a place that's relatively cold, is it a good idea to have a dog of a breed that is from a tropical place, and therefore, no matter what you do, the frigging thing is ALWAYS going to be freezing?

Not a fan of chihuahuas, I agree they are ratlike and useless. But this new trend is disturbing and unfair to the dogs. Living animals are NOT accessories, for chrissakes!

3:33 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

A chihuahua is the new Birkin bag. Paris Hilton has one, so it's the must have for every fashion victim. Give me a nice big slobbery bloodhound anyday.

3:41 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ladies, I wan't even sure what a Paris Hilton was before my sister had her 'episode' and had to come stay.
SB you're like me, I like dogs that look like dogs and that do stuff. I am rather partial to those french bulldogs, they're cheery tough ugly fun litte dogs, robust, hale and hearty and very boisterous. I really like them and if I was to have a dog again I would get one and call him Batman.

7:57 p.m.  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Yeah, FMC, but these silly little pooches were created by humans selectively breeding them. Dogs think they're your inferior, cats think they're your superior and pigs think they're your equal.

8:21 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I rather like pigs, we used to have one when I was young, he was called Barnaby and he was the runt of the litter. So while all the other strong piglets grew large and were turned into ham and delicious rashers and pudding, Barnaby lived until the ripe old age of eight and thought he was a collie.

8:26 p.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

whoah there girl, let's back up a bit. Me and the gay were lying on the couch?
How very convenient.
Oh eet eez all right effemzee, I am how you say? gay. You can lie down on zee couch wiz me in complete zafety. Don't mind that, eet ees a flashlight I carry for zee stairs.

At 8 weeks, the animal was obviously terrified.

9:47 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I accept that the little pup was probably scared out of it ever living shit, but Doc, do they ever do anything but shiver? And then it is going to live with Etheline...I can't see how things are going to improve.
Of FG, eee izz such ze fruity leetle wombat d'amour. I know he iz gay, but once apon a time he love-ed ze wimin, he still eee will massage-ed ze feets and talk ze crap for many hours. I love-ed 'im, because 'eee iz so like eee iz, no?

10:16 p.m.  
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