Dog? That's not a dog, this is a...
What is the bloody trend with rat like dogs at the moment?
French Gay and I were lying on the sofa last night watching Prisilla Queen of the Desert, and marvelling at how like a woman Terence Stamp is, when the doorbell went.
Rather reluctantly I answered.
It was my siser, Etheline.
'What are you doing here?' I said fearfully, fearing she might want to stay again.
But she didn't. She wanted to show me her dog.
'Look! Isn't she beautiful?' she said, proffering some kind of rat at me. I backed up. Behind me the bigger of the cats grew bigger. He had been asleep under a lamp on my desk, now he looked very much like he did the day he killed the magpie.
'What iz eet?' FG asked.
'It's a dog you idiot. A chihuahua.'
We looked at it.
It was no bigger than a rat, it had big bulging eyes, massive bat like ears and it shivered.
The bigger of the cats smacked its lips.
'Er, are you sure?'I asked.'I didn't realise you were getting a...er, dog.'
''Tut.' She put the rat/bat/dog thing down on the ground. It stood there shivering more violently with one leg raised. 'She's called Poppy's Big Surprise, Angel for short. I picked her up today, she's only eight weeks old.'
'How is Angel short for Poppy's Big Surprise?'
Etheline shot me a look. I let it go.
FG-who owns two robust beagles he refers to as 'ze two ones' sat forward on the couch and stared at Poppy. He clicked his fingers, the dog glanced at him and shivered all the more.
'Well what do you think?' Etheline beamed at it.
'What are you going to do with it when you go to work?' I said, thinking of Etheline's white and cream house.
'I'm going to get one of those little doggy carry bags, she can come practically everywhere with me. Oh and you should see the clothes they make for them, oh my god, adorable!'
'The cat jumped down and stalked over, all bushy tailed and full of glittery-eyed malice. Etheline hastily picked her pup up.
'So, what do you think of her?'
I looked at 'Angel', as it hid its bat/rat/dog face into the folds of Etheline's coat.
'I"m sure you'll be wonderful together.'
After she left I poured another glass of wine for FG. He raised it. 'A toast, to ze new addition, she will be ze niece, no?'
I sighed. 'Exactly what this family needs, another neurotic female.'
We went back to watching the film.
The cat stared wistfully at the door, presently his tail returned to normal.