The hellish stench of moral fibre.
Eeeeeeee, can you imagine the dorks tittering and tee-heeing in the ad room when they came up with this marketing gold!
Anyhoo, there are others, equally lame and equally daft, but this is Ireland so uproar insued.
'Why,' one chap said yesterday, 'would ja be tinkin' of dat when ye want crisps?" He demanded.' It's disGGGustin'!'
The spokeman for the crisp company, when pinned by Javelin Joe on whether or not there was any 'sexual connontations' to the ad replied.
'No (snarf) I just see it as a bit of fun. People have no sense of humour.'
'So you don't see anything risky about a woman with her hand over a man's crotch and the words 'she only want's you for your...'
'HUNKY DORYS!" Our man with the plan roared without missing a beat.
'I don't know.' said Joe 90, sounding like he really did know and that he thought yer man was being a bit of a prick.
'Well, if anyone was offended I will personally apologise to them.' Crispy MacSnark said.
'Well ye'll be spendin' the rest of yer year apologisin'!' Said the outraged chap on the phone, 'Coz I talked to loads of folk and let me tell you, yer way off base so ye are. We're disGGGusted. Everyone I spoke to was disGGUsted. There's no need to be showing that soert of this when yer tryin' to sell crisps!'
'HUNKY DORYS!" (I hope he gets some kind of raise)
'So you're telling me you saw nuthin' wrong.' Joe insisted, ' nothing at all?'
'Were you offended?' Our ad man slyly interjected.
'It doesn't matter what Joe Duffy thinks!' Joe Duffy the radio presenter snapped, pushed over the top and into the land of the third person.
I listened for a while, bemused as usual that folk get so uptight about anything even mildly smutty, but thought no more of it until to day. Until of course The Independent, alway the first bastion of faux offence, landed like a crow on a new born lamb. Cue howls of indignation.
" ADVERTS for Hunky Dorys crisps have been deemed "offensive, exploitative and degrading to women".
About 60 complaints were lodged with the Advertising Standards Authority for Ireland (ASAI) against the campaign, which pictured three scantily clad female models in lingerie.
The ad's slogan said: "Which one would you throw out of bed for eating Hunky Dorys?"
The ad was described as "degrading to women, displaying them as commodities and as sex objects".
Parts of the ad, created by the Chemistry agency for Largo Foods, had been ripped from a number of advertising spots.
Yesterday's report from the ASAI recorded a "relatively large number of complaints", according to CEO Frank Goodman.
"Some complainants referred to women using public transport at night who might be uncomfortable or intimidated near the poster at bus stops," said the ASAI report. ( Yes, because we all know when posters attack it can get ugly)
Other concerns were that men or boys would view women as sex objects and of the effect the ad would have on viewing children. "
Now between Hugh Hefner and playboy and Grils Gone Wild and strip clubs and pre-teen clothing with the playboy logo, thongs over jeans and padded bras for nine year olds and so on, who knew that the humble crisp was the main culprit in the exploitation of women. The bastards.
And then there was this...
"They considered that the advertisements were overtly sexual and promiscuous, not suitable for the very young or impressionable teenagers and a blatant exploitation of sexuality for commercial gain."
Imagine an advert that was sexual..how could that be in this day and age?
When a woman washes her hair with a certain brand of shampoo and is heard groaning and moaning in an orgasmic way, were there complaints? Nope. When the diet coke ad came out with all the women cooing over the sweaty builder and biting their lips, was there uproar? Er...no. What about all those ads showing wimpy men doing tough house hold jobs thankful that they had the right products to make their jobs a little easier becaus they were so feeble and feeble minded that the couldn't manage the simplest tasks. Was there outrage? Hum, no. Jessica Simson wiggling over a car to promote her album, Madonna hanging off a cruxifix, Boy's Own dancing half naked on the Late Late show? WELL? Where was the outrage for that one? I almost had to sear my eyes out later. I saw RONAN KEATING DANCHING LIKE HE WAS ON CRACK! Did I phone RTE to complain, no I took two Neobrufin and cried myself to sleep.
Adverts are only out for one thing, to garner attention, to raise the profile of the product. The wishy washy hand wringing sniffling of yesterday and today had served Hunky Dory well, Outraged folk have allowed the advertising company to do exactly what they set out to do, cause a commotion and get some much needed press to sell a product that really is not as good as other brands-in my view. Huzzah for the back hand lob, and yah boo sucks for folk that should know better.