Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Shall I polish your knob sir?


HOW much do you pay your cleaning lady? Probably nowhere near the stg£200 (€298) an hour Michael Lee paid a prostitute to do his dirty work.

Lee, a former magistrate, faces jail after spending £250,000 (€373,000), much of it stolen, to have his Manchester home kept clean.

However, no known sexual encounter was involved in the arrangement with Lee and the prostitute-cum-house cleaner: he simply liked to watch his home being dusted, and his washing up done by a woman naked save for a pair of rubber gloves.

The combination of sexpot and Hoover driver nearly bankrupted his employer, Bolton Crown Court was told yesterday.

Lee (59) spent €29,000 of his savings, ran up €119,000 on his credit card, and then turned to Alec's Three-Piece Suite Warehouse in Manchester, where he worked and siphoned off €250,000 of company cash, driving the furniture shop to the verge of ruin.


Blogger SheBah said...

What I'd like to know is how do you find these jammy jobs? Nice work if you can get it! I would happily swan around for a few hours naked with a duster/vacuum cleaner for those sort of rates! Ha Ha!

10:00 a.m.  
Blogger clamnuts said...

What a lame fetish

10:01 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've done the washing up wearing nothing more than a smile for years and none of the neighbours has thrown me so much as a farthing. Tight bastards.

1:47 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yes but were you wearing marigolds?

1:50 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

"Poetry and flowers won't mend this broken heart.
But you can put the hoover round if you want to make a start."

Wasn't that Billy Bragg?

I'd embezzle the money to see my husband do some dusting and vacuuming, and he doesn't even have to be in the nip.

2:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

He sounds as house proud as the paramour. 'Dust, what dust?' and 'we have a hoover?'

2:23 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

Dunno if you've ever read the "I Did it For Science", columns on nerve.com, it's basically where the writer trys something sexual and writes about it in the form of a school science report. Sex on drugs, threesomes, testing vibrators etc. It's pretty hilarious. One of the articles was where the writer, a women, worked for an agency where men paid her to clean their house naked - no sexual favors - just cleaning.

5:20 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I haven't read it John, but I'll take a look now.
Tell me this now and tell me no more, do you do any housework? Or are you like the paramour- as in he'll do stuff, but he has to be asked first, and questions like, 'but why do I have to ask you, why don't you just notice stuff?' are met with a sheepish shrug.

5:41 p.m.  
Blogger John Mc said...

I am actually very tidy. I wasn't always like this, but I got sick of not being able to find shit. I'll put it this way, my CD's are alphabetized and sorted by genre.
That said while I keep things very organised and neat, I hate having to dust and clean, although I kinda like vacumming. With 3 kids Tash and I decided a year ago to have a house cleaner come in for a half day once every two weeks, and generally dust vacuum. Well worth $100. if I was wealthy I would have a cooke and a full time house cleaner person!

5:50 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Me too, I'd have a Mrs Doubtfire and she would say 'Hellluu Dearie!' and make me hot chocolate and toast on wet days.

6:07 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

If any women out there want to try this out, on a purely platonic experimental basis - no lewd behaviour guaranteed - I'd be happy to make my house available to them. Needs a quick once over, by the square inch, with products, dusters and a hoover. Rewarding really, I'd imagine...

7:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Would there be payments of vast sums of money involved? 'cause if there is Shebah has already set out her stall...

10:04 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Goodness! Fmc, are you acting as Shebah's pimp? There's no grubby money on offer, it's strictly for the pure of heart...

12:45 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Pimp! Christ no. Facilitator, that's what we call it these days. Now where did I put my pinky ring and wide brimmed hat?

8:28 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Fmc, If you wish to facilitate a non-remunerative resolution to my domestic issue I am happy for you to do so...

5:00 p.m.  
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