Cheers especially for not having designated seating, I do like to sit in the middle of a plane. I also like to sit behind families with very small infants who begin to cry the moment the plane takes off, and whose idea of calming said infant is to repeatedly shake a rattle at it. If it didn't work the first eighty six times chaps chances are...
Thank you also for playing starters orders and scaring the beejaysus out of the old man sleeping beside me, his drool moistened my face considerably. It was soooo funny the way he pretended not to notice as your Transylvanian Airhostess loudly exclaimed that 'Ryan Air is alvays un time!" I notice you didn't do this on the way back, I also know why, but I'll get to that in a mo.
Thanks for having me traipse around Gatwick for TWO AND A HALF HOURS before my flight, thanks also for not posting the departure time on ANY of the televisions and then flashing 'LAST CALL FOR BOARDING' making me run eighteen miles of corridor in very high heels. Thank you then for telling my breathless sweating self that it's 'airport policy' to do this, even though this was clearly a BIG FAT LIE.
Thank you for removing my deadly bottle of sealed water. I know I was thirsty (after the run) but sure what the hell.
Thank you for that baldy fuck of a hostess. Dave I think he was called, thanks a WHOLE BUNCH for him. I'm sure he wasn't cheap, the MIlitia must miss his winning ways. I like the way he insisted I take my head phones out, even though my ipod was off, and when this was pointed out to him he got all pissy and said, ' Well you still have to take them out.'
'So you can hear instructions.'
'I can hear you perfectly, it's not switched on.'
I like the way he squatted down and in delightfully menacing way said, 'You NEED to take them out.'
Only for the fact the new old man beside me looked like he was going to have a heart attack any second made me do as I was told. But that Dave, he's a keeper, and probably a leather wearing tea-bagging gimp in his spare time.
About the new old boy, he was fine...I only had to give him his lung back once.
Thanks for having Dave check that I had A-my seat belt on, not once but twice, B- ask me if I wanted food, not once but twice, and C-Did I have any rubbish left over from the food I did not order, this was only once.
I'm super glad that tired and a mite touchy, I had to walk a further mini marathon to get back to the airport on my arrival in Ireland land of my fathers.
All in all a swell time. The scratch cards for charideee are a nice touch, and the lovely lass who anounced she was about to sell them at decibel 1000 was a hoot, I'm sure the stain will come out of these pants.
Cheers Ryan Air, until next time.