Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Is that a budgie in your pocket or are you just all a flutter?


"A live budgie has reportedly been recovered by prison officers during a massive search for smuggled goods in maximum-security Portlaoise Prison.

Reports this morning say inmates were locked up in their cells yesterday while a huge sweep was carried out in two particular areas of the jail.

The search targeted the landing that houses gangland figures from Dublin and Limerick, as well as dissident republicans.

Eight mobile phones were found, as were three SIM cards, 150 tablets (including ecstasy), a quantity of powdered drugs, a large amount of home-made alcohol and 30 syringes.

This morning's reports say the budgie is believed to have been smuggled into the prison by a female visitor who concealed the bird internally in her body."

Okay, drugs I get, even phones and sim cards, although I'd imagine it might hurt a little. But how in the name of Shewallah did a woman smuggle a LIVE budgie internally? Do I want to know? Erm, yes, yes and no, but yes.



Blogger Twenty Major said...

"Madam, your vagina appears to be tweeting."

9:22 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I assumed she had it in her mouth. And as grossed out as I was by the idea of bird feet on a tongue, you've just made it worse.

10:02 a.m.  
Blogger Kav said...

It was probably one of those dessicated budgies - all you have to do is pour water on them and they grow a hundred times bigger and you can escape from jail in style.

10:03 a.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

A bird in a pussy well I never.

10:08 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Hmmm, blee, it might peck you to death instead.

10:09 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Macdara, how? the question is how?

10:09 a.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

You'd need to cover up the feet as the talons would rip the gee out of you.

10:30 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's a bloody budgie Major, not a buzzard. And I'm still going with mouth.

10:39 a.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

Just remember you asked How and since I hate my job I have time to find your answer. Well almost! She must have been from Thailand.

Here is the bit you need.
After a little while she drops to the flow, pulls a face like she is doing a shit and widens her legs a little more. She then uses her hands to make her opening a little larger, when all of a sudden there is something moving from within. After a few more moments it takes flight and flies out of her punani. It was a budgie.

11:12 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I...well, I don't have the words actually.

11:20 a.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

I will have nightmares tonight!!

11:32 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Puts a whole new spin on the term Jailbird.

12:12 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...


12:43 p.m.  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I've seen it done. I have a several aunties who regularly have canaries. And a cousin who regularly has crabs which accounts for a good deal of her mother's canaries.

3:08 p.m.  
Anonymous MacDara said...

Maybe that is where the term flicking the Budgie comes form . I did not know women refered to the vagina as a budgie but there you go.

3:10 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

"I've seen it done. I have a several aunties who regularly have canaries."
You can take stuff for that nowadays, stops the itiching quick smart.
Machawtness, I've never heard that expression before. I will now refer to my lady patch as Babs.

3:43 p.m.  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

A bird in the box is worth two in the bush.

10:15 p.m.  
Anonymous cantona said... the screws never found the stash hidden up the budgie's hole!! ha ha

12:55 a.m.  
Anonymous Penelope_CA said...

good lord... a tweety bird twat!!!

5:44 a.m.  
Anonymous pinklewicker said...

In my innocence, I've always been confused by certain ad's for certain items of 'intimate female apparel' - you know the ones - they 'have wings for greater protection'.

It's all now becoming clearer...

It is a ladies bodyguard budgie which you carry secreted about your person... Then when you get attacked, you whip out the killer budgie who rips the attacker to shreds...

Or something like that...

11:37 a.m.  
Blogger Dead Star said...

I wonder does Harney, in fact, regularly put budgies up her minge? Think about it: Her husband can't be voluntarily having sex with her, she needs to get pleasure somehow. Maybe she's been doing this for years for the orgasmic effect of the spluttering beak on her, ah, insides. So one day, while McDowell is riding her, he finds the budgie and comes up with a plan to make him look like he's sortng out our prisons: Harney will smuggle in contraband, it will be discovered, and McDowell will come to the rescue. Genius.

11:38 a.m.  
Blogger Niall said...

I presume they smuggled in an egg and somehow hatched the the budgie in prison.

Seems possible don't it. You could easily hide an egg in a woman. Jesus maybe it was incubated up an inmates hole.

the other alternative is Budgie snokling

1:55 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You know I think it might be tricksier to hatch an egg in prison. What I really want to know is where the bird cage came from and who had to lube up for that one?

2:32 p.m.  
Anonymous pinklewicker said...

Is that a budgie up your twat or is it just some cunt whistling?

4:17 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it just a budgie, or did anyone say Thrush? Did they, did they?

11:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Budgieman said...

A bird in a bird! lmao

10:32 a.m.  
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