White Van Drivers. You lot are screwed.

Day eight of the flood and as I peer out the window at the never ending rain that falls during the typical Irish Summer I am once again having to reassess my views on the Catholic Church and mostly, the pontiff, Christ's right hand dude on this earth..
For yay, verily, the pope has our interests at heart. He wants us to live, to survive. He wants us to have multiple babies and revere old dudes, to not ask questions and to carry malformed and misshapen fetus' to full term so that they may survive long enough to be doused in water and sent to a holier death. He wants us to reject Amnesty International, meat on a Friday and the gays, for it is probably written that sharing cheese burger with either a country/city/french gay on a Friday while simultaneously considering the plight of others across the world is a big no-no and I for one don't want to get smote-eth, for that one.
Nope, he's a top man the pontiff, and now that he has sorted us all out he has turned his hand to road rage and come up with a whole slew of road rules. Rules that should they be abide-eth by I'm sure no accident will ever befall us true Catholics, the most holiest of drivers.
Observeth- from today's most holiest of tabloids, the Indo.



"The pontiff is so concerned about road rage that he has asked his staff to draw up a list of rules for the highway, including thou shalt not use a car "for sinful purposes".

A 58-page Vatican document, entitled 'Guidelines for Pastoral Care of the Road', urges drivers to avoid road rage, to respect the rights of pedestrians, and to make the sign of the cross before setting off.

Road users must not make "rude gestures" at other drivers, or use cars to show off and "arouse envy".Speeding and dangerous overtaking are forbidden, as are rude hand signals. And as for kerb crawling, forget it.

This would be a particularly tough call in Italy, where aspiring to own a Ferrari to demonstrate power and affluence (and impress women) is considered a male birthright.

Cardinal Renato Martino, head of the Vatican Office for Migrants and Itinerant People, said that the Vatican felt it necessary to address "the pastoral needs of motorists" because cars formed such a central part of modern life.

"Cars tend to bring out the primitive side of human beings, thereby producing rather unpleasant results," the document said.

It appealed instead to the "nobler tendencies" in the human spirit.

The fifth commandment - "Cars shall not be an expression of power and domination or an occasion for sin" - referred, Cardinal Martino said, to motorists who used their cars to pick up prostitutes, which was "an offence to human dignity".

Some drivers behaved in an "unsatisfactory and even barely human manner," the Vatican document said.

Motorists should avoid "unbalanced behaviour" such as "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, or blasphemy" and would do better to use the time spent in a car for prayer.

This would "immerse them in the presence of God so that they remain under His protection."

Concerns

While earthly concerns have tended to focus on careless use of mobile phones, the Vatican suggests that passengers can safely recite the rosary because "the rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."

In addition, the document urges dioceses to help to set up chapels along motorways, with priests holding Mass or offering spiritual comfort to motorists at service stations.

Vatican City, the world's smallest sovereign state, doesn't have many of the problems listed in the document.

It has about 1,000 cars, the speed limit is 30kph and one Vatican official said the last accident inside Vatican City's walls was about 18 months ago, resulting in minor damage. "

Yah, and lo. For it is now written. Go forth and drive carefully fellow catholics. You Protestants can drive however you want, everyone knows you and the Buddhists and that other lot are just spawn of Satan. You lot are already screwed. I revoke my previously held view that I"m a filthy Agnostic and am off this very morning to see if I can locate a magnetic dashboard Mary.
For I have seen the light! And it was amber your Lord, AMBER!