Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Crocodiles are not vegetarians.




Ah bleee, I was perusing the papers and pondering breakfast when I ran across this story in The Sun. Seems some chap swimming about in a lake with a 40 foot meat eater came a cropper. Imagine that!


A '12ft beast attacked luckless Bill Hedden as he swam, ripping off his left arm at the shoulder.

Horrified picnickers told how Bill, 59, staggered from the US lake, clutching his bloodied socket and gasping, “Call my wife” through his facemask.


Five nurses among a group of churchgoers on a day trip took ice from a cooler and put it on the wound — then told stories to stop Bill passing out beside Lake Moultrie in South Carolina.

Onlooker Jerome Bien said: “He was bleeding bad. His arm was clean off.”

Jerome said he then traced a bloody trail through trees to the lake and saw the gator with the arm still in its mouth. He said: “He was just smiling at me.”

Bill was airlifted to hospital while park wardens hunted down the 40st gator — which had by then SWALLOWED his arm — and shot it with a rifle.

The wardens then sliced open the monster’s belly and found the limb miraculously still whole inside.
It was placed in a picnicker’s coolbox and rushed to hospital with a police escort. Doctors were last night deciding whether to attempt to re-attach it.

Rescue Squad captain Bill Salisbury said: “The arm, surprisingly, was not chewed up like you’d think.”

The victim was said to be “critical” in hospital."

Next week, 'man claims wolves 'just be dogs' plays football with wolf pack to prove theory, onlookers express no shock when he is beaten, eaten and picked clean. 'I couldn't tell if they were grinning', says onlooker, 'but they were clearly bemused by his antics.' 'I don't think wolves are really that friendly.' said another onlooker.

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17 Comments:

Blogger Conan Drumm said...

I feel a lawsuit coming on.

11:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Pinkie said...

Gawd! They're calling the croc a 'monster' -- he's not a monster! He's a predator and that guy was marinating himself in the croc's dinner pot!
That is one stunning photo of the arm in the crocs mouth...

11:27 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Same thing happened to a mate of mine when he was frolicking in a sheep-infested field. Poor fella was mauled to death by the wooly bastards...

11:28 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Fucking sheep ARE dangerous. I got knocked into the middle of a patch of nettles by an old bollocks of a ram years ago. I didn't know which hurt more, the wallop from his bloody cement block head or the sodding nettles.
Don't even get me started about horses.

11:39 a.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

It's all just armless fun.....

I could work for the Sun....

11:55 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

On lookers up in arms over shock attack!

11:59 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sorry, I'll get me coat.

11:59 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No wait! 'Swimming with croc is so dangerous people should be armed.'

12:00 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

All gas and 'gators!
One arm bandit!
Arm a geddon!

12:04 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

That croc is totally smiling.
When we went through Yellowstone they gave us a flyer saying "Warning: Many Visitors Have Been Gored by Buffalo" with a picture drawn of it to tell the dumb fucks not to try and pet them. They weigh 2,000 pounds.

1:10 p.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Of course I blame the parents, and global warming. Are the Carolinas not a bit northerly for gators? (not crocs).

What was that James Taylor song... "Aint it just like that 'gator came and bit me from behind, Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind."

1:41 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Uff, I opened up your page just as I was putting my teeth into a crunchy Bombay potato wrap. I think it became my fastest visit ever to your site, I was out again in nanoseconds! A visit post lunch is fine though - whooha, another one gets the chop! (to be sung to Queen's "another one bites the dust" - it works!

1:50 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Medbh! That reminds me....

3:24 p.m.  
Blogger Gaye said...

*shudder*

3:27 p.m.  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

All fun and games until someone loses an arm.

Fair fucks to the gator.A fucking martyr so it is.

1:15 a.m.  
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12:59 p.m.  
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3:12 p.m.  

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