Friday, February 22, 2008

I hate...

people who write 'um' at that start of a sentence.
You know, you say something, somebody else disagrees, but instead of disagreeing with you with some fucking balls, they say 'Um...I think you'll find...'
Fuck offity off with your pathetic stylized ums. If you are that much of a dithering blithering dribble of puke and you need to fucking say um then say it- to yourself. Don't fucking well type it, you absolute utterly affected dickhead.
Are you being sarcastic, do you think it gives you oomph, do you REALLY think it makes me CONSIDER your answer all the more? No, it does not, it makes me think, 'oh my god what a stain on humanity you are. I hate you.'
If you don't have the strength of your convictions don't say them. Or say them, but don't fucking window dress them in 'ums' are you scratching a line in the dust with your toe toes bashfully as you type too? playing with your fucking piggy tails? Um, are you?
Also, people need, I mean REALLY NEED, to stop saying the following.
'There is a real disconnect between them.' No there fucking isn't, there might be a disconnection, but not a disconnect. One's a fucking verb, one bloody well isn't !!!
And also, my personal jaw clencher. 'I could care less what she thinks.' If you say this when you mean 'I could NOT care less' you deserve to be blunderbussed with rock salt. Until you die. If you could care less, it means you care some, which is the TOTAL opposite of what you're trying to say. The devil take you!

(And yes, I mangle the english language quite regularly, in fact I like to speak in my own language which is a crude mixture of bollocks and nonsense and loud clicks and eeeks. But I spend a lot of time talking to cats and they understand me perfectly)


'Um' in print. I am thoroughly against it.
(Also I seem to have acquired Tourettes, sorry)

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40 Comments:

Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

I'm with you 100% on the "I could care less" idea but, being guilty of the occasional "um" myself, the first part of your post cuts deep.

If you have ever read any comment or post of mine that contained a line beginning with "um" you have my sincerest apologies. No offence was intended.

Now, bring on ginger day.

11:29 a.m.  
Blogger Rusticissimus maximus said...

Oh blunderbussed with rock salt! FMC for Minister for Proper Order in Twenty's new government!

11:29 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Chumlies, darlings of the Fattermark, I have a ginger, so ginger and awesome that there must be a watershed, lest his very gingerosity fry your minds.
I will release him later, oh yes.

11:31 a.m.  
Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

Gingerosity - ha!

11:34 a.m.  
OpenID ainelivia said...

Long time Mammycat, I don't um, but I do Hmm, and then I shoot straight from the hip. Have been told I lack diplomacy, but that people can always rely on me to say it like it is and not fart around.

11:39 a.m.  
Blogger Lou said...

Whoops, am guilty of 'um'ing here too. Doesn't bother me that much, but expect to be hurt slowly for use of the expression 'bear with me'. Grr...

11:48 a.m.  
Blogger Lou said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:48 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

Whoa there, FMC - now you are scaring me! I don't think I have ever ummed..but I might have been guilty of some other linguistic atrocities! (call it artistic license)

11:54 a.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

You see how we are all taking it personally? Har!

p.s. a ginger Albino perhaps? Just teasing!

11:56 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

You're pretty when your angry!

"Umm, I like, you know, erm, dont really, completely, sort of agree with that...kinda"

Too many friggin teenagers on the interweb theses days FMC.

12:01 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

What about when people say "liberry" for library. That really gets on my tits. Sometimes I really feel like smacking people, today is one of them. I also hate when people have some sort of affected D4 accent even though they are from Limerick (one person in particular I am talking about, and noone anyone here knows but they are really getting on my tits today). Stupid porkpie pretend D4 beeatch! Thank for allowing me the space to vent. I feel better now.
Liberry me bollix!

12:03 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't mid peoplel who say 'um', that just means they're thinking about a reply.
But WHY WHY I say WHY would you type the word? If you're thinking about a reply just think about it, then reply, why prefix the reply with 'um.'

12:07 p.m.  
Blogger Annie said...

For some unfathomable reason I am eagerly awaiting the gingerositude you've promised/threatened. I disgust myself.

12:09 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Fear not Annie, this one will disgust everyone.

12:10 p.m.  
Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

My Wise to your Morecambe is people who say "He was literally 100ft tall"

No... no he wasn't!

12:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

"I don't mid peoplel"

For fuck's sake. I will blunderbuss myself for that one. You must realise I cannot type for toffee and I speed type badly, which is even worse. Honestly, for shame.
Also, I am inclined to type a lot of words backwards and arse ways. Like avhe for have and form is usually meant to be from and menat is meant. It's a pain in hole, it really is. If you were unfortunate enough to speak to me face to face I swear I use proper english.

12:18 p.m.  
OpenID bendersbetterbrother said...

What you need is to be sat down , taped in to a chair, and forced to watch Ally McBeal for 12 hours. It's harsh I know. But it will either cure your sensitivity to this or kill you.

And it's not the affectation of the "um" that annoys me it's the condescension that it conveys.

12:27 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Me too. The 'um, like sorry to have to break it to you...'
Fuck off.
Oh my god, I'm so pleased with today's ginger.

1:19 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

so hit us alreadyz!

have you considered adding some whistles to your repetoire?

1:58 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

People who say "ummm" at the beginning of a sentence do it as a deliberate insult to the person they're speaking/writing to. As if to say "this is really obvious and you'll think you're an asshole for not realizing this, but..."

And yes, that "could care less" thing has been bothering me for years. Makes me crazy.

And "Liberry" for library, and KeeeRYST, this one: JOO-lerry for Jewelry. I just seethe. I SEETHE.

And our 'president' with his "nukular." Needs to be smacked around a little by some of the English teachers I've had. I'd enjoy that.

2:12 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Finn- most useful for speaking to collies no?
Also, the ginger, 'eee must wait. Lancelot won't be rushed.
Andraste, I can think of many reasons that man might need a good clip round the year, but that is SURELY one of them.

2:15 p.m.  
Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

Make with the ginge!

2:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Sniffle&Cry said...

Hi FMC,

Not that it’s any of my business, but you’re off the gargle currently (picking up on your comments on Gimme). Those running and exercise endorphins will only get you so far. Looking at your bleug since last Wednesday’s entry, your Karma is in a kilter, dear. But you do incandescent well.

Have rum tonight, see what happens tomorrow.

If tomorrow nice, have more rum.

Good luck and be nice to you.

2:42 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Karma shcarma. But I see where you're going with that, and I will most surely take it on board. I am off out to a live band tonight. Surely one cannot listen to live music without rum.

2:49 p.m.  
Blogger PI said...

Mentioning Tourettes reminded me of a heart-breaking young man who appeared in the documentary about a London street - last night. Heart breaking because he didn't survive the programme

3:00 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

What happened to him?

3:04 p.m.  
Anonymous Shebah said...

He overdosed. The street is in the area next to mine. Excellent programme, but very sad. Reminded me of the Beatles song - all the lonely people.

3:15 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I just remembered another one "tremen-jous" that's another Bertie one I think but I know a guy (who is only 21-22) who says it and I actually want to kill him because I point it out to him every time and he says "I don't care that's the way that I say it", what a wanker. He is thick anyway but at least try and cover it up. My brother in law says "Jesus I am ravishing" instead of "famished" but that's only to piss my sister off, and at least he is saying the wrong word on purpose!!
Down with this sort of thing!

3:29 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

My god, the horror! I am ravishing of course, but still.

Shebah, Pat, that's horrible, always a shame to see a life wasted.

3:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

I am also ravishing, especially today with my "wind swept" (ie: dragged through a bush backwards hair and my sleep deprived face, ravishing, or maybe just famished!

3:48 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I haven't seen my hair for hours, it's been up in some kind of scrunchie since I washed my face this morning. I expect is is ravishing though. Almost as ravishing as the fleece ensemble I am currently sporting. Oh yes, I just WISH someone would call to the door and ask me something.

3:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

A scrunchie?? A fleece!! Oh oh - that's dangerous territory FMC! I am wearing an emsemble which I actually rather like, but it's all from Penneys apart from my shoes which I got on sale in Oasis for €5, so my whole outfit cost be about €20 plus my vest which was for free from my darling sister! My hair is horrendous and I am getting a lovely spot on my forehead to top it all off, just ready and ripe for the weekend, and I have a date tomorrow, I will have to root out my hairbrush and concealer from wherever they are hiding!

4:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

A date indeed! How thrilling, I hope you ave a lovely time.

4:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Babs said...

It's only with my smelly boyfriend cause he was working on (shit valentines). I asked him where we were going and he just text me there "you decide, nothing major fancy though", how romantic. I think I will wear a pretty dress anyway just because I like doing that and also since I got skinny I have been living in my skinny jeans so a dress will be a surprise!

4:41 p.m.  
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