Friday, February 22, 2008

Junk Mail

I'm going to put a sign up in the porch.
It will read simply No Junk Mail.
No more supermarket special offers, no more flyers for pizza chains, no more offers to trim my bush (snarf), no more offers to cobble lock my drive, no more offers to clean my house (as if, I can do that myself too, and sometimes I even do) No more offers to take away unwanted clothes, No more free newspapers I never read.
Just my trusty sign.
Naturally my trusty sign will probably make not the slightest difference to the oodles of unsolicited crap dumped into my home every week, but I can always hope.
I view the post with pretty much the same suspicion as I view my telephone ( I found it eventually by the way, unharmed and unscratched, nestling in some dead grass), a necessary evil, one I am happy to do without as often as possible. Seeing as the bulk of my post consists of bills, who the hell needs any more nonsense clogging up the mat.
Also Postie is a fine chap, he closes the gate after him and put the letter flap back down. Junk Mail folk do not. I have often gone out to find my poor old Gardinia shivering away to itself in a draft.
It's not like I ever read junk mail anyway, it goes directly into my green bin.
But annoyance pales into apple blossom white compared to my latest fear. I don't want to be sued when some clutz hurts themselves on my property, while delivering junk mail I don't want and shall not read.
Observe if you will.

"Paul O'Brien is being sued by a woman who says she trapped her hand in his letterbox while posting mail.

Joy Goodman, a cake decorator in her late 40s, is seeking damages for personal injury and loss of earnings.

She claims the top of her right index finger was severed by his letterbox and she can no longer do her intricate job.
Mr O'Brien, 44, from Morley, Leeds, vowed to fight the claim, branding it "a joke".

The self-employed engineer said: "When I received a solicitor's letter I thought someone was having a laugh.

"I actually told them they had sent it early - April Fool's Day is still six weeks away.

"I just cannot believe someone who came on to my property uninvited, to put junk mail through my door that I didn't want, can now sue me because she hurt herself.

The divorced father of two was out when Mrs Goodman claims she was hurt at the door of his four-bedroom detached new-build house.

She returned two days later and, finding him out, spoke to a neighbour and left contact details for him to get in touch with her.

The next he heard from her was when he received a letter from her solicitors saying she was claiming damages.

It read: "We understand that the circumstances of the accident are that our client was delivering a leaflet to your house when your letterbox snapped back on to her right index finger.

"As a result of this, our client suffered from personal injury and loss."

The letter did not state how much compensation she was pursuing, and asked only for his acknowledgement." (Mail)

See that? I can be sued if some eegit hurts their finger. YOU can be sued if some eegit comes onto your property uninvited to post junk mail.
So, I'm going to make a wee sign, stick it up and see how many folk utterly ignore it. Of course if they do ignore the sign I'm goig to use the dreaded phone to call up the source and give them what for.
Yup, eventually I see myself sitting on a swing chair out front with a shotgun resting across my lap, talking trash about the 'gubermint' and wondering about how much 'lectricity mah generators' can create. Surely enough to power the interweb. I will make my own high heels.
Being sued, I'm against it!

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15 Comments:

Blogger Twenty Major said...

If someone ever tried to sue me for something like that I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself giving them something to really sue me about.

Fucking cunts. They need their heads kicked in.

11:18 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yeah, like ANYBODY ever darkens your door since Bastardface discovered a Lector like admiration for people.

11:24 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Junk mail is a pain in the arse as are little puppies that eat all letters as they come in the letterbox, if I could get him to discriminate between junk and bills we'd be laughing.

Once anyone injures himself on your property you could be liable, there have been numerous cases were thief’s in the process of robbing a house injured them and later successfully sued the homeowner. You have a duty of care, which means you must take reasonable steps to ensure people’s safety is not at risk whilst on your property. So if you had been considering razor blades in the letterbox you may want to have a re-think.

11:28 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

So what you're saying is it's better to kill anyone who gets hurt on my property? Lest they sue me? I like it.

11:33 a.m.  
Anonymous nonny said...

Sweetie, just to be on the safe side lure them to your bedroom, then double barrel the mother suckers!

11:56 a.m.  
Blogger sliabh said...

My missus has been hassling our local councillors to bring in something line the "no unaddressed mail" signs they have in the Netherlands. No joy. One even maintained this was not something the local authorities could tackle.

I want to be able to put up a no-junk sign and then sue the buggers for littering when they stuff their crap through my letterbox. I could do it if they put a rancid fish through, so why not unwanted takeaway menus?

12:05 p.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

I absolutely detest the claim culture, as I prob mentioned a few times before.

We're no-longer allowed broken glass and tar on top of private walls because people might cut themselves on it...

THATS THE FUCKING POINT, YOU FELTCHING TWATS!

12:06 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Unaddressed mail, humm, I like her thinking, although I am not in the least bit surprised the council were of little use.
I figure once my sign is up, it leave all companies open to a verbal lambasting if their deliverer ignore it. I'll keep you all posted o how THAT goes down.

Fletching Twats, heh. An excellent combo of words.

12:14 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

There are signs all over our neighborhood saying "no flyers, no junk mail" though it seems to do little good. When we lived in Oregon our biggest annoyance was people knocking on the door to raise money or sell something. We put up a "no solicitations" sign TWICE and each time it mysteriously disappeared. At least once a week when we were eating dinner some damn hippie would ring the bell asking us to sign something. Grrr.

1:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It is bloomin' annoying. I hate to be disturbed too. There were some weirdos going around before christmas wondering would we fill out a form stating what religion we are and what church we attend. hah!
They always called right in the middle of chow time too.

1:37 p.m.  
OpenID grimsaburger said...

Perhaps you need some kind of sign that's a bit more pointed. Like, say, this from dooce.

2:35 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Succinct! Me likey.

2:58 p.m.  
Anonymous laura said...

fatmammy cat your sign will do no good. i'm a sad , sad person and occasionally i have waited for the junk to drop through the letter box before flinging my door wide open and saying to the delivery person, "wait!", "stop!", "come back"! "take this back!" "i don't want it!" i do not want any unadressed post or junk mail.

remember Manuel in Fawlty Towers?
"Que?"

That is the reaction. No speak the English. No speak the English, no read the English. No read the English, no point in having the sign.

A PO box is an option worth considering and sealing your letter box.

Junk mail seriously annoys me. The only other thing that has occurred to me recently is that management companies could erect signs saying "no trespassing on this PRIVATE land to deliver junk mail and the sue the companies that do deliver or the companies/restaurants that have stuff delivered on their behalf. but that requires a management company with something approaching a backbone.

9:23 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Have no fear Laura, I'll find a way to make my feelings understood.

9:38 a.m.  
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