Happy Ginger day Chumlies!
This Chumlies is a Rhydian Roberts. And Rhydian here is what we in the trade like to call a Closet Ginger.
Despite being a man of excellent pipes and quite a fine physique, Rhydian here is in denial. This man, of talent and showmanship and sparkly sparkly suits, has hidden his greatest gift in a bid to reach the top, he has denied himself that what separates him truly from the crowd, his utter and complete Gingerism.
Now I understand the deep shame being a ginger can evoke in a person. Years of whispers and being shunned from local communities can make ANY ginger have doubts. It's hard being a ginger in a brunette/blonde world. People can be so hurtful. You can brazen it out. You can say to them, 'look cuntbutler, it's perfectly natural, all right? Go tend to your own insecurities.'
And they'll be all, 'Oh not, there's nothing wrong with being a ginger, some of our best friends are gingers.'
Wow, how liberal of them. But you know they'll never let their children marry a ginger and you KNOW the first ginger born into their families will be viewed with deep suspicion while hereditary lines are checked and rechecked.
Even close friends can shock you with anti-gingerism when you least expect it. You might be sitting in a cafe some day, drinking Mocha and a ginger -glowing beautifully in the harsh Irish light-might pass by. You see your friends do that slack jawed gawk that makes you want to wop them one upside the head. What? You will demand. Stop, they will say, it might be natural to you, but we don't want it shoved down our ginger-fearing throats.
This is why so many gingers hide their true gingerosity. Robust reds and dazzling crimsons everywhere scamper off to the dressers of hair and lighten or darken in an vain attempt to hide away and quash their ginger.
But ginger cannot be quashed! If you dye it it will grow back, you can disguise it, but what of the brows? What of the skin tone? What of the pubis and underarm hair? Are you willing to expunge your very ginger soul?? To what end? To appease others? To 'fit in'?
Bah! I say NO. Enough is enough. It pains me to see the Beluga like paleness of Rhydiam here, matched only by his white fake hair. There should have been a flaming contrast. Look at what Nicole did to her self. I can't tell where her forehead end and her grey/blonde dye job begins. And Lohan, well you saw what happened to her the moment she forced the ginger down. Drugs, drink, a downwards spiral, and all because she is denying who she is.
You cannot be happy if you reject your inner ginger. You'll find yourself crying in the bathroom, as roots begin to claw their way back. The subterfuge will wear you down. Why fight nature? Why fight the way you were intended to be?
Don't be a closet ginger! Embrace who you are. Run with it, big it up! There will always be begrudgers and bitchy-warts, but to hell with them. For no matter what you do, no matter where you hide, never forget... you are a GINGER.
* Gets up, pumps air with fist!
(Today's rousing is also for marathon runners/10k runners/ speedy carb-loading actual athletes everywhere. This weekend will test us in some way, but I know we shall give it our all. Good luck everyone)