Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Operation Puppy!

(imagine the paramour may have found in his inbox when he started work today)

With the untimely demise of Napoleon, I have decided life is fleeting, transient even. Somehow this has translated into my addled brain as 'I really should get a puppy.'
It's true. Now all I have to do is convince the paramour that puppyhood is where it's at.
I have shown him endless photos of Medbh's dogs and regularly coo over dogs of all shapes and sizes when we're out and about but so far every suggestion that we get a puppy ends with the suggestion that as we ALREADY have three cats, we have reached our animal owning quota.
Hum. While it is true that our home is resplendent with felines, I feel a pup or two thrown into the mix wouldn't really make the slightest bit of difference, AS we already have three annoyingly demanding animals.
And so I have decided to start Operation Puppy. A stealth campaign of clever ruses and sneaky MI5 styled tactics, designed into tricking the paramour into believing that getting a puppy is HIS idea. Quite how I'm going to pull this off I haven't figured out just yet. Any and all suggestions welcome.
( I've already thought about drugging him, getting a puppy myself and then when he comes round pretending that he came home with it, but I'm worried he might be suspicious.)



Blogger Dr. James McInerney said...

If you bought a puppy that looked like one of the cats, then, as long as the cat-like puppy and the cat-wot-it-looked-like were never in the same room, the paramour might never notice the difference.

10:10 a.m.  
Blogger gimme a minute said...

Get a stuffed animal puppy, leave it about the house for a week or two, then fake one of those common place household reanimation accidents.

'We got a puppy on accident!' you can say, 'On reanimation accident!'

10:16 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Simple, ask the Paramour which he'd prefer, a puppy or a baby.

In the unlikely event that he says baby then you'll be needing a pup for the child in 4 years' time.

10:18 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Docky, a sort of 'Oh my! Did we always have a pug/bulldog?'

Gimmie, I picked up one of the pug teddies they're selling in Superquinn at the moment and said 'Paramour look its-' And he ran off. Reanimation might prove tricky.

If I asked him that Conan he's KNOW it was a trick.

No, if I am to be puppified by the end of the years I must come up with a cunning plan.

10:24 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Oh alright, what's wrong with "I want a puppy for my birthday, please."

10:29 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The direct approach? I tried that. I said
'Can we get a puppy?'
'We already have three cats.'
'If we get a dog we won't be able to travel.'
'What traveling would this be now?'
(bearing in mind how much time both of us spend NOT traveling)
'A dog is a lot more work than a cat.'
'Have you MET the bigger of the cats?'

and so on.

Also I've already intimated I want a dress watch for my birthday, as my clunky everyday one clashes horribly with my high falutin' going out clothes.

10:43 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

Which do you want more, dress watch or puppy?

10:55 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I suppose a puppy wearing a dress watch as a collar is out of the question...

11:01 a.m.  
Anonymous sheepworrier said...

Puppyify everything FMC: buy pug puppy lampshades, bedcovers, slippers, pens etc until you break the paramour's spirit.

Will the felines in the family not just tear a puppy apart tho? Especially a pug puppy.

11:04 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I doubt it, the bigger of the cats and the Marklar wouldn't be thrilled, but apart from some hissing and spitting and destroying things I like, they'd get over it.
Puddy would be in 7th Heaven. She loves dogs and if it was small enough for her to clean and boss around she'd be blissed out.

Right, singapore noodles and the some work.

11:25 a.m.  
Blogger Conan Drumm said...

"I suppose a puppy wearing a dress watch as a collar is out of the question..."

This something a man who makes rhubarb crumble might come up with... unless he thinks the pup would replace him in your affections?

11:36 a.m.  
Blogger Adam said...

Here's ours. Does your the Paramour want to be responsible for that level of a potential puppy's depression if you don't get one?

12:12 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

No fear Conan, they would compliment each other I'm sure.

Adam! The is one adorable guilt inducing puppeh. How could you ever leave?

12:24 p.m.  
Anonymous morgor said...

I'd be with your man in this case.

Fortunately myself and my girlfriend agree : no marriage, no pets, no babies.

12:30 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Haha Morgor, wait till she gets pregnant and has a whole litter of puppies.

12:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just do what my sister did when she demanded a dog at 17 and my parents said no:

1. Sneak out while parents are at the pub.
2. Take the car, which you've just learned to drive. Also take your younger sister as you haven't quite figured out what to at roundabouts yet and you might need some help.
3. Henceforth to your friend's house, whose dog has just had two wuvely ickle puppies.
4. Take one of said puppies home and give it a boy's name even though it's a girl dog because you wanted to call it by that particular name. (Proceed to refer to the dog as 'he' for the rest of its life, leading to much gender confusion and embarrassing visits to the vet.)
5. Parents come home pissed and wake up the next morning to find a dog sitting in their kitchen.
6. Upon being told to get rid of said dog, hold it up and shove its gorgeous little face into theirs so they just can't resist and eventually back down.

Hey, it worked. The dog is still living happily with my parents 14 years later...

12:52 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Morgor, you say that now...

Twenty, maybe you could get him to change his mind. I mean after all Bastardface is your constant companion when he's not eating orphans and people who wear liverpool tops. Whaddya think?

Anonymous, I like it, so what you're saying is take advantage of him when he's drunk! That I can do.

1:09 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I'm staying well out of it, FMC.

1:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with sheepworrier, minus the lampshades. Generally, what Spouse and I do when one wants something the other doesn't is wear the other down. It usually works, but it requires a 6-year-old's persistence.

Fried chicken?
Fried chicken?
But...fried chicken?
Fried chicken?
Ugh, ok.

I fear we will be awful parents precisely because of this weakness.

1:13 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh I'll definitely be trying that approach, we fatcats are known for our tireless persistence.

By the by, I think you'll make excellent parents. My father was an excellent parent and he was ALWAYS worn down by persistence in the end, where as the Lilac Couch, not so much.

The paramour doesn't know what he's let himself in for.

1:24 p.m.  
Anonymous eva said...

Tell him that if he's prepared to marry you in sickness and in health, well this is your sickness. Say it with a quivering voice and tears in your eyes.
Apart from that I'm all for the get-one-while-drunk suggestion.
Also - is there anything that he wants really, really badly? Something you can use as negotiation tool?

1:40 p.m.  
Anonymous The Bad Ambassador said...

FMC, have you considered the somewhat unorthodox approach of complete transparency? Might catch him off guard.

Something like the following might do the trick:

"I've decided I would like a cute widdle puppy. We can either get one now or, if that's not your thing, I can spend the next year asking can we get a puppy, suggesting that we get a puppy and hinting that I would like a puppy until eventually it becomes unbearable and then we get a puppy? Either way works for me - have you any preferences?"

<seductive running of index finger along paramour's arm is strictly optional>

1:44 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Eva, he already thinks the ginger thing IS my sickness. If I claim more it might just push him clean over the edge.

Well done BA, another one for tiresome persistence, with finger rubbing no less. Huzzah for interweb chumlies.

1:50 p.m.  
Blogger The Bad Ambassador said...

Finger running = seductive
Finger rubbing = some kind of infection

1:57 p.m.  
Blogger Medbh said...

If you get one, you may as well get two, FMC. They take care of each other and are oh so snuggly cute together.

We got our first second dog many years ago the old fashioned way.
Mr. M called me at work and said "she followed us home."
You could try coming home from a run with Batman? Would Paramour believe that there are stray French Bulldogs running about?

I need to take more puppy pics to motivate you.

2:02 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I agree whole heartedly, I believe a Batman and a Mister Woo together would equal more happy time for all concerned.

2:05 p.m.  
Anonymous AM in Brussels. said...

I was about the suggest the 2 doggy thing too.

I'm currently on the receiving end of the "Can we get a dog" thing. Actually, that's been ongoing for the past year or so... I've said yes. But only when we get a house, as it's not fair on a dog to be stuck living in an apartment.

Guess what. We've put in an offer on a house. And we weren't even looking for one.


3:15 p.m.  
Anonymous Sniffle&Cry said...

Something to do with sex, food, or football. And if you can combine all three, you’re chances are greatly improved. Remember, we’re simple creatures who are a cinch to manipulate.
Oh and the blog, change it to FMP, although you seem to working in that direction already.

3:17 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's a sign AM, it's a SIGN!

Simple eh? I'll take your word for that Sniffle.

3:28 p.m.  

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