Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Da Vinci Code is ficton.


Oh, groogy. Up a little late after watching football last night and I'm sleepy like a fox.
The other night, after my cabbage debacle, I was sitting somewhat grumpily on the sofa with the bigger of the cats and a glass of wine watching...sigh, the Chonicles of Riddick.
I remember wondering just how much money Judi Dench got for appearing in something so terrible,'don't threaten me nercromancer' she said at one point and I sniggered. It was terrible, and I was half thinking of getting off my arse, turning off the lights and going to bed when the phone rang.
I looked at the cat, he looked at me. Neither of us moved. I looked at my watch. It was late for a week night and I wondered if I should answer it or not, but the ringing was annoying and it didn't appear to be stopping. After a while I snatched it up.
'Lo?'
'Hiya!'
One of my country friends I like a lot but don't see very often.
'Hey there girl.'
I carried the phone into the kitchen and poured another glass, she is a talker, this girl.
Anyhoo, she blathered on for a while, giving me the run down of every person who has died and nearly died and all the gossip about people I don't really know and care less about.I told her about Country gay's new hair cut and we both wondered if he is over Cherries. She asked what I had been up to lately and so on.
But after about half an hour she suddenly said, 'The Da Vinci Code is being released in a few weeks, I can't wait.'
'Yeah, should be good.' I said nonchalantly. I was thinking of Tom Hanks and his terrible hair.
'You know,' she said, somewhat breathlessly. 'I believe it.'
'What?'
'The book!'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean it's probably all true.'
Now, I was sure I heard correctly but I tested the water.
'Er...it's fiction.'
'No it's not, it was proven in court.'
'No it wasn't the court case was over plagerism, Brown's plot was very similiar to The Blood and the Grail.'
'That's not what I heard.'
'Well, it was. I mean for heaven's sake, darling, one of the character's Teabag is an anagram of...'
But you know what? I was totally wasting my breath.
She believes it.She believes Jesus married Mary Magdalene, had babies-who all moved to France (France for ...er Christ's sake) and the church is covering it all up. She said 'what about the painting?'
I said 'Leonardo was a superb painter but he wasn't actually at the last supper, it's not like he took a photo, it is a representation-
But she sorta sniffed at this and she rang off shortly thereafter.
I think she is offended.
I told all this to the paramour yesterday while he was chopping up bits of chicken.
'What do you make of it?' I asked as he flung some fat to the cats who were lined up behind him.
'Does she believe in hobbits too?'
'Of course not.' I said.
'Are you sure?'
'I'm sure.'
'Well, there you go.'
There I go what? I thought as I set the table.
This is bizarre to me. She believes it.
And that is, apparently, that.

HOLLYWOOD TAT. Madonna is considering more children. Give it up Madge, you're eggs are probably hard boiled at this stage.
Sienna Miller is receiving death threats. Meh, can't care, won't care.
Whitney is is rehab, nobody seems very surprised.

28 Comments:

Blogger the anti-barney said...

I nearly read it(The Da Vinci Code)once,but life is far too long to be annoying yourself with bullshit.

10:33 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm not annoyed Barnes, just... mystified.

10:40 a.m.  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

I was visiting a very good friend of mine in hospital and she was reading the next one.
“What did you make of the DVC?” She asked innocently, gingerly shifting her weight, trying not to burst her stitches.

For twenty minutes I let rip about why Brown was a ratfink bastard while eating her chocs and fruit basket. ie the premise might be true, who knows or gives a shit, but that his contempt for his readership was criminal, etc etc etc etc etc etc.

She didn’t cry or anything but it was the wrong thing. I am an asshole, I admit it.

11:05 a.m.  
Anonymous MacDara_In_The_Leb said...

Back in 1897 some people believed that the Ark of the covenant was buried in the hill of Tara. On 17th of March they founded the British -Isreal association of Ireland and between 1899 and 1902 they started digging up Tara looking for the Ark.
Now some may call them bonkers and others would call them lunatics but either way you should tell your friend( Is she from Cork).

The fact is its all in the Date 17th of March you see some paddy got drunk and told the English a tall tale about the Anglo Saxon race being decendent from one of the lost tribes of Isreal. Mad in the effin head I tell you ....

But all True.

11:11 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I'm not telliing her that MacDara, I don't want her saying 'see see!' at me. And no she is not from cork, she is from Carlow.
Maroon, I too have done that rant on various different things on varous different subjects- me and the pink haird weapon are forever locking debating swords- but never to anyone in a hospital. Seems sort of like shooting fish in a barrel, expecially if they have stitches and can't shout or kick you.

11:46 a.m.  
Blogger the anti-barney said...

I ment annoying yourself with reading the buke.Argueing is fun,unless you're doing it with a gobshite.

11:59 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh, well too late for that Barney, that's four hours of my life I won't ever get back again.

12:11 p.m.  
Blogger Ms Ann Thrope said...

Why does everyone hate The Da Vinci Code? I read it, it's a bit boring but there's worse books out there. Mind you, I do hate to see someone making loads of money on tat.

2:53 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Why does everyone hate The Da Vinci Code?

Next time you're recovering from surgery let us know and Maroon will come and explain to you.

3:25 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Welp, I enjoyed the book, as a work of fiction. A fun adventure story for a summer evening, sort of thing.

As for the truth behind the assertions in the book Holdy Blood Holy Grail? Eh, why not? It's a lot easier for me to believe that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene than that he was DIVINE, never married, never sinned, was resurrected, born of a virgin (HA!), etc.

Virgins DO NOT give birth and carpenters DO NOT get resurrected. WHy is that any easier to buy than that a Rabbi 2 thousand years ago got married and had children?

The whole france thing...meh. Just as likely as that they stayed in Judea and their descendants are still there...or that they died out. As to someone walking around today with Jesus' DNA? Doesn't matter if you don't believe he was the son of God, but that he was just a guy who 'fit the description' and did some teaching and pissed off some people.

The point is whether it makes any difference to anyone's life now. Doesn't make any difference to me. I couldn't care less.

3:30 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

I thought it was a great bit of nonsense, and thoroughly enjoyed it - and I enjoyed the Church's reaction even more, which made it seem believable as they protested so much! I learned some lovely new words like cilice and would like to get me one of those!

3:34 p.m.  
Blogger SheBah said...

....not to use on myself, I am not a masochist!

3:35 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

I was sitting somewhat grumpily on the sofa with the bigger of the cats and a glass of wine watching...sigh, the Chonicles of Riddick.

sigh... vin diesel.
i get moist just typing the name.

.........i'm sorry, did you say something after that?? wots all this about a Code? will it help me get out of the subway in Silent Hill 3?

5:16 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh don't get me wrong, I've read worse books, MUCH worse. (I once flung a James Patterson book across the room in a rage) But it just wasn't all that -snaps fingers- and it was cliche central and I knew who the bad guy was from the get go and knew most if not all of the 'next steps' before they happened. So for me I just can't comprehend why it was such a massive success and why my friend- who is an intelligent woman- would suddenly pop up with "I believe it!'
May I just add that I am disgustingly jealous of Dan Brown's wealth.

6:15 p.m.  
Blogger Foot Eater said...

Fascinating fact: the Greek word for 'young woman' was mistranslated by early scribes as 'virgin', hence the myth about Mary. This fact is a true fact.

7:47 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

FMC, i read both the Code and Angels & Demons, and i think you are a much better writer than dan browne.

that, and buck-twenty-nine, will buy you a can of tuna. here.

7:48 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Vin Diesel bats for the other side, finn.

You know, he does his gardening uphill, so to speak.

7:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Tuna?? Yack. Can't I buy some a can of warm beer instead.
Footie, is that really true or 'true true' And what word was it translated from?

7:56 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Sorry Twenty we cris crossed-imagine- anyway I don't buy it, a man with a voice that deep cannot be batting for the other team, na-ha. Anyway you say that about everyone. Take it back-hey wait, I don't care. I like Alan Rickman and if you say anything about him I'll be coming over once I get out of my jammies and check mules.

7:59 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

tuna's for the *cats* FMC.

and twenty, everything about you is blasphemous. say wot you want about VD: i'm not moved.

8:11 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/dieselscripted.html

Now tell me he's not steaming.

8:23 p.m.  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

Proper link

8:23 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Erm...he's very prepared isn't he?

8:27 p.m.  
Blogger finn said...

prepared, yes.
steamy? oh yes.
gardening uphill? mmm, not so much.

8:41 p.m.  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Hmmm... it's a toss-up for which is worse. The DaVinci Crud or The Ridicules of Chronic?

5:45 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The Chronicles of Riddick, hands down.

11:06 a.m.  
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