Friday, June 30, 2006

Drugs, Opera and phone calls.

I could also call this post 'The Great Shame.'
I was in agony yesterday, not too long after I posted my last comment I had what can only be described as a spasam, or the devil poked me in the spine with his tri-thingy.
I don't have the word to describe the pain, ouch doesn't really do it. Perhaps giving birth to a walrus might be as painful. Naturally to combat this I-in a fit of cursing and swearing and agonising self pity -decided to self medicate. So I crawled to the kitchen, swallowed a few Spanish pain killers and decided I"d drown them with a bottle of rioja.
I hauled my ass back to the sofa, settled in to watch The Sopranos, drank a glass of wine... and after that it all becomes a bit of a blur.
But apparently I put on some opera and in the middle of Vide Cor Meum-
Rang the Paramour, professing deep love and a willingness to bear his children that I have not previously professed-including descriptions and names of said children.
Called Etheline- professing a great love for her and all our family I may have snivelled something about that Kevin not being good enough for her...
Called my mother and profesed a great sadness that we can not get along and that I understood all her horrible ways deep down, more snivelling and I believe I 'forgave' her' for being a terrible mother
Called my brother and said I loved him and his new wife and that even though I was miffed at not being asked to his wedding I totally understood.
Called my eldest sister and professed a deep love and understanding of her and announced that she was probably the best mother on the planet and -weeping - said she was sooooo luckey to beeeee soooo happy-sniff sniff- and I reallllly loved the children and planned on having some with the paramour who I also loooooved more than life itself.
Called Country Gay, professed deep love and eternal friendship and wept over the futility of his search for love and said that no matter what, 'I'd alway love him' Lucky him.
Called lifelong friend professed deep and eternal love for her, claimed she was a sister in every other way other than blood, snivelled, dribbled, took another slug of wine.
Called French Gay-mercifully he was out, but I'm fairly certain I left a message professing deep and unadulterated love. Dropped phone.
Then I hugged the bigger of the cats, weeping into his fur, professed deep love for said cat-who was eyeing me suspiciously- lay back down, admired roof, trollied off my face, listened to opera, marvelled at purity of voices, pondered life, hugged self, drained last of wine, said to bigger of cat-who at this stage had given up trying to get away- 'hey, you know what buddy? My back doesn't-
and that's where I woke up this morning at 7:20, stiff, but free of back pain!
A miracle!
My cyber friends, only for the fact that I could not sit up, many of you would have opened your blogs today and witnessed a stream of witless offerings of love from me. My phone has rang here a few times this morning and I'm fairly certain if I check the messages I will blush eighteen shade of puce. The wost of it is I seem to have apologised to my mother and insulted her as well, so who knows where the hell that will lead.
I am a tool, but at least I am a tool sin dolor! Huzzah.


Blogger Betty the Sheep said...

I'm glad the back pain has disappeared - you gotta love drugs and alcohol. Do you remember any of the responses that people gave to your outpouring of eternal love? Please keep us updated on the mother situation. Are you back to square one after apologising and insulting her? Best of luck with the phone messages!

11:47 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Strangley folk seemed touched, I must have been VERY sincere. Well, everyone except Etheline, she's laughing her ass off about it today mind you. Her message was 'Helloooooo there sis, and how is the head this morning, call me, I'm at work, course I know you will 'cause you lurve me soooo much. snigger snigger snigger.'
Don't know aout Ma yet 'cause I haven't called anyone. Perhaps she'll gloss over the 'forgive ' part and concentrate on the apologetic part instead. Eeek.

11:57 a.m.  
Blogger finn said...

glad you're better ms. cat. what does the paramour think of the names you chose? :)

can u send summa those spanish pain killers thissa way? i've got 2 bottles of rioja, a hamstring that needs fixing and a half-dozen ppl that need professions of deep love & appreciation since i've been such a prick this week...

have a good weekend.

12:21 p.m.  
Anonymous Macdara said...

Oh sweet alcohol how it eases the pain. however as we all know it also makes us do and say things that we would never do sober but as my wife always reminds me a drunk mans words shows his soul as a mirror shows his image.That is way I am cutting down on the Drink while the In Laws are here. My god who would have thought a week would have lasted so long and they are here for another two.

12:31 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Miss Finn, poor old sausage, I"m sending healing brain waves right to you this minute. Er, I'm not sure what that paramour made of it all. I suspect I shall find out this evening when he comes back.
My God MacDara, you're having them for THREE WEEKS? What in the name torture did you do to deserve that fate? Perhaps this is not the time to be cutting back. The last thing yu want to do is to start expressing how you really feel about them.

2:34 p.m.  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Dr Whipsnade says that if you attach an electrode to your back and give yourself 50 volts, the feeling of pain will change into an orgasm. Don't blame me if it doesn't work.

8:15 p.m.  
Blogger Monstee said...

What did me say about mixing you pain killers and wine? Huh? It am with a certain about of smugness that me point out that, although me have every right to, me am NOT saying me told you so. Me am just saying me am glad you feeling better.

P.S. Any smugness me may feel and tempered with the regret in knowing that if me had only been there me totally would have gotten some.

P.P.S. Maybe not, because you am engaged and me am gentelmonstee.

P.P.P.S. Then again, you was blacked out for long time and would no remember in morning....

P.P.P.P.S. What am me saying? No no no no no. It never would have happened and as far as you know didn't. Now lets both drop it and move on despite anything our hazy, fantasy filled memory may try to bring up. xox

7:36 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh Monstee, if I'd only met you when I was in my twenties...we'd be arrestd and admired.

11:54 a.m.  
Blogger Monstee said...

"Oh Monstee, if I'd only met you when I was in my twenties...we'd be arrestd and admired."

Yes, me can see it. We'd be regular Sid & Monstee! Wait, no... FMC & Nancy! NO! Well, you get idea. Leather clad punks out of our minds and into everything!

WAIT!! When you WAS in you twenties?!?! FMC, me not care what anyone say, you always be in you mid to late twenties to ME!

9:55 a.m.  
Anonymous JJ said...

I suffer from a lot of back pain due to a car accident when I was a child. When it happened I was in pain for a while but after I healed I had very little trouble until I was 15 and my muscles started to develop, I started getting a lot of lower back pain and have suffered with it ever since. That is until recently when I stumbled across memory foam mattresses. They adjust to the shape and weight of my body to support my back perfectly and let me sleep soundly. I can’t even imagine being able to sleep without my memory foam mattress anymore!

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