Monday, July 14, 2008

Great ideas, number 1

As Finn can vouch, I have no real head for heights. Well not heights per se, drops. I have no head for drops. I don't like there to be nothing peripherally. It makes my legs go funny and then I worry I will fall down and -inexplicably- roll to one side and plunge to my death.
This is problematic, for into every life a hill must rise. Unless I move to Montana, and I don't want to move to Montana as I don't really like drinking rosé and I read somewhere that is all they drink out there. And if I read it then it must be so.
Also I like hiking and climbing up hills, I want to go down and do Glendalough again, but am a bit stymied as to how to go about this and not worry about drops.

Then on Friday evening, while propping up the bar in my local I had a Eureka moment. At least it SEEMED a good idea to me at the time, (inevitably most of my crackerjack thoughts are accompanied by hooch. The Fatcat brain operates quite well jacked up on alcohol you know)
That's right, blinkers, the same things horses wear. If I can fashion a set of blinkers and attatch them to a hat I won't notice that going up involves bloody great drops. If I can't see them I won't worry about them and that jelly like wobble that hits the back of my knees when ever a 'spectacular vista' appears. I can just focus on ahead, and forget all about the sides, and how easy it would be for me to drop and roll off them and plunge to my death!
Who knows, it might take off, this might be the solution to hundreds if not THOUSANDS of wibbly legged hill walkers. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Oh yes.
Huzzah for hooch, if only I had discovered it as a child I might very well have worked out the annoyingly addictive Rubix Cube and become a vet. But alas I wasn't much of a drinker until my late twenties.
Now to go an patent my idea. I can really see this taking off, can't you?



Anonymous problemchildbride said...

Grounds. I'm scared of grounds. They're the bits of heights that you go splat on and I don't fancy that.

I think there might well be a market for your idea, fmc, but there is a bar version available at the moment. I wear them in our local when I'm making my way to the bar. That way if someone annoying from my peripheral vision starts waving and hellooing at me I just don't see them. They are a wonderful invention and good at all sorts of social and extended family occasions. They require dim light though so as to provide an out if caught: "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there. Dammned dim lights, eh?"

The blinkers themselves are invisible which is handy for i hate having headband dents in my always fabulous hairstyles.

9:00 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Ah yes, well, invisible blinkers are a must for social settings.
I was thinking more of incorporating the blinkers into a hat, like something people wear in the desert. But I see your point about the hair. Perhaps a sun hat? Visor and blinkers firmly attached, hair free and bouncy and unfettered?

9:07 a.m.  
Blogger jothemama said...

I think the invisible, unfetting blinkers might by hypnotherapy.

A friend did it so she could go to Italy, to that place with the tiny twisty hairpin turns on the cliff?
She said it worked very well. I can give you a name, if you want :)

9:18 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Of a hypnotherapist? Believe it or not I actually know one. Urgh, twisty tiny roads with sheer drop offs makes me break into a sweat too.

9:28 a.m.  
Anonymous problemchildbride said...

If it's a question of fear, I reckon a nose-bag full of Liquorice Allsorts would be nibbly and soothing in the really perilous moments. Or jellies for you, hun.

9:28 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I don't like twisty bends neither, as a passenger. When I'm driving myself they don't bother me at all, but stick me in the passenger seat and I'm twitchy as hell.

9:29 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

It's an unfounded fear though, as I've never actually fell down and rolled off a mountain. It's not even fear, I'm not afraid of heights, it's the 'expanse of nothing' that bothers me rigid, the drop off.

9:31 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning and happy Monday to one and all,

I am not afraid of heights but a history of ear problems gives me vertigo, my balance goes all over the place, I can run, surf, swim, I have done a couple of flying lessons but I cannot cycle a bike and if were standing up somewhere high I would actual keel over,. I always think the ground is coming up to meet me. The worst experience I ever had of this was driving down a mountain in New Zeland, it had no barrier and I screamed crying all the way down,. Naturally everybody laughed at me. I was convinced our driver would go over the side. So, blinkers you say hmmmm? I wonder if there's a real non drug solution solution?


10:08 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I think blinkers might actually work, no kidding.

10:16 a.m.  
Blogger PI said...

I always associate rose with cystitis so rarely drink it. I do think your idea is ace. One is always adjured not to look down when rock climbing but inevitably I did and nearly had a heart attack. When are you going to try it out. North Wales would be quite suitable but do NOT take Anon.

10:17 a.m.  
Anonymous DeeDee Ramona said...

No no no you have it wrong. _Tourists_ in Montana drink rose. The locals drink Budweiser, Miller and Coors.

Think your local West Cork farmer v. a bunch of Dublin yuppies on holiday.

The French drink lots of rose at home too. But in this case the farmers as well, considered they make it.

10:23 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

But DeeDee I READ it, they drink rosé and drive pick ups with rifle racks.

Oat, cystitis?

10:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh I be partial to an odd glass of cystitis Rose but now that you mention cystitis it will be like Cranberry juice never again. Tut tut.


10:30 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Ahhh I be partial to an odd glass of cystitis Rose"

Perhaps I phrased that wrong!!

10:31 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be able to obtain leather blinkers from any good sex shop. Widely used in the S and M scene. In fact they are an integral part of my own sex life. My wife usually wears the blinkers in our relationship, as she is submissive.

So FMC, no need to "fashion" them yourself. And apart from the practical solution they will provide to your proble, they may open a door to a whole new world for you. For when you have the leather blinkers, you will surely need a leather cat suit.

11:38 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Yes I can see me climbing The Spinx in a leather catsuit and leather blinkers. Chaffing be damned.

11:42 a.m.  
Blogger daisy mae said...

oh montana, my new adopted home - thanks to grad school.

anyway, there's two types out here - the locals, and those from california. the locals drink beer, wine, soda, anything, really. the tourists drink rose. although locals do drive pick up trucks (you need to, for the ranch) with rifles in them (ridiculously lax gun laws)... the tourists show up in their sports cars which are regularly found on the side of the road in the winter, smashed to smithereens.

these rose drinkers must be the yuppie scum tourists who have "vacation homes" in big sky - which is an overly affluent tourist destination. a place that makes me hiss and boo any time i have to drive through there.

3:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haaaaw, whaats dat yer a sayin?
Yo sayin that sum folk gets der car beat up on the siiide of the road just coz dey is from outta town.
Why dat aint right, we is all real friendly folk round a bouts here. Come sit yerself down on de porch with me and grandma and stay a spell, we'll do a bit of wood whittlin and young fanny Mai and Freddy will get out der squeezeboxes and make some music.

Yup, it shore is all wrong what you is sayin bout us folk in Montaaana

4:46 p.m.  
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